In a recent interview with Mexico’s Loud! Metal Radio (because, let’s face it, who else would interview him? 🤣), former MEGADETH guitarist Marty Friedman, the guy who left the band to play elevator music in Japan 🤷♂️, was asked for advice for young musicians. Brace yourselves, folks, because what he said next is pure comedic gold 🤡.
Marty, bless his heart, starts with the sage wisdom that you don’t need to know everything. I mean, duh! Who needs to know music theory when you can just shred randomly and hope for the best? 🤪 He claims young musicians think he knows everything. Newsflash, Marty: We know you know how to sell out! 🤣 He then says he doesn’t know much about jazz music. Well, we already figured that out, Marty. Your playing is jazzy like a rusty chainsaw 🪚. He can’t play like other guitarists? That’s not a flex, dude. That’s just stating the obvious. We’ve all heard your solos. 😬
His advice? Focus on yourself and don’t compare yourself to others. Easy for you to say, Marty, when you’re comparing yourself to Japanese pop stars instead of, you know, actual guitar legends. 🤷♀️ He says stay in your own world and learn what you love about music. Translation: Ignore all criticism and keep doing whatever makes you feel special, even if it sounds like a cat fighting a vacuum cleaner. 😹
Then, in a shocking revelation, Marty admits he almost never practiced or studied. No wonder his playing sounds like a toddler banging on a keyboard! 🎹 He claims he started playing live at 14 and was terrible. We’re shocked, truly shocked! 😲 He says playing live speeds up the learning process because you don’t wanna make a mistake. But Marty, your entire career is one giant mistake! 🤣
He claims that after a show, his mind goes over every little detail, like “What did I do wrong?” Honey, where do we even start? 🤔 He says playing live gives you fast results. Fast results in what? Scaring away potential fans? 👻 He says playing by yourself might make your hands work good, but nothing sticks like playing in front of people. Yeah, like the memory of your terrible solos. 🧠
Regarding taking advice, Marty says he listens to people he respects. So, basically, anyone who tells him he’s amazing, even if they’re tone-deaf. 👂 He says it doesn’t matter if people don’t like his music, as long as he likes it. Well, that explains a lot. 🤦♂️ He tries to only work on things he likes. Translation: He only does things that make him money, even if it means selling out his metal cred. 💰
His June 13 concert in Chile was professionally recorded for a live album and DVD. Who asked for this? Seriously, who? 🤷♀️ We’re sure it’ll be a masterpiece of mediocrity. 🙄
Marty also has an audiobook version of his autobiography coming out. It’s called “Dreaming Japanese,” which is ironic because we’re all dreaming of him going back to MEGADETH. 😴 The book apparently shares his “inspiring journey” from MEGADETH to Japanese TV. Inspiring how? Inspiring us to never give up on our dreams of selling out? 🤣
The audiobook is described as a “riveting narrative” that captures his “relentless perseverance.” Riveting like watching paint dry. 🎨 It traces his journey to assimilate into Japanese culture. We’re sure the Japanese are thrilled. 😒 It details how he became a household name in Japan. Mostly for being the token foreigner, right? 👽
“Dreaming Japanese” follows the “wildly entertaining, inspiring, and unprecedented path” of a rock and roll guitarist. Wildly entertaining like a root canal. 🦷 Inspiring like a participation trophy. 🏆 Unprecedented like a turd in a punchbowl. 💩
From touring with MEGADETH to becoming a J-Pop star, the book reveals the “deeply human, and often hilarious story” of Marty Friedman. Deeply human like a robot trying to cry. 🤖 Hilarious like a clown funeral. 🤡 In conclusion, Marty Friedman’s career is a joke, and we’re all laughing. 😂
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
