So, BARONESS, bless their cotton socks, just finished a ‘sold-out’ (sure, Jan 🙄) East Coast tour where they played their ‘seminal’ (debatable) “Red Album” and “Blue Record” in full. Now, because apparently some people haven’t heard these albums enough times already, they’re dragging this nostalgia trip to the West Coast. Buckle up, hipsters! 🤡
“West Coast, get ready to be mildly inconvenienced by the ‘Red & Blue Tour’ this September, featuring the sludge-tastic stylings of our buddies WEEDEATER,” says BARONESS vocalist/guitarist John Baizley, probably while stroking his beard and contemplating the meaning of artisanal coffee. “The first leg was such a ‘blast’ (read: tolerable), we figured we’d milk it for all it’s worth. We saw your messages (all five of them) begging for more, so here’s ‘Red & Blue – Part II’. Prepare for 90+ minutes of music that peaked over a decade ago!” 👴
From the ‘psychedelic-laden’ (read: kinda trippy) “Isak” to the ‘ethereal melodies’ (read: slightly less heavy riffs) of “The Sweetest Curse”, these evenings are your chance to see BARONESS play songs they probably forgot how to play properly. It’s like watching your grandpa try to do the Macarena. 🕺
Tickets go on sale this Friday at 10 a.m. local time via YourBaroness.com, because apparently they haven’t heard of Ticketmaster. Expect overpriced vinyl with Baizley’s artwork (because he’s a Renaissance man, dontchaknow) and merch designed to drain your bank account faster than you can say “limited edition.” 💸
The “Red Album” (2007) and “Blue Record” (2009) were basically the training wheels for BARONESS’s ‘illustrious’ (questionable) career. They combined ‘crushing heaviness’ (relative term) with ‘melodic intricacy’ (again, debatable) and paved the way for such masterpieces as “Yellow & Green” (a double album, because why not?), the Grammy-nominated “Purple” (they peaked, let’s be honest), the ‘grandeur’ (overblown?) of “Gold & Grey”, and the ‘expansive creativity’ (aka “we ran out of ideas”) of “Stone”. 🪨
Here’s where you can witness this spectacle of past glories, the “Red & Blue Tour – Part II” dates:
Sep. 05 – Denver, CO @ Marquis Theater (Twice the fun, double the boredom!)
Sep. 06 – Denver, CO @ Marquis Theater
Sep. 08 – Salt Lake City, UT @ Metro Music Hall (Where the riffs are as salty as the lake!)
Sep. 09 – Boise, ID @ Neurolux (Prepare for existential dread in Idaho!)
Sep. 11 – Seattle, WA @ Neumos (Grunge is dead, long live…this?)
Sep. 12 – Vancouver, BC @ Rickshaw Theatre (Sorry, Canada!)
Sep. 13 – Portland, OR @ Polaris Hall (So many hipsters, so little time!)
Sep. 14 – Portland, OR @ Polaris Hall
Sep. 16 – Sacramento, CA @ The Starlet Room (Sacramento exists, apparently.)
Sep. 17 – San Francisco, CA @ Great American Music Hall (Great…American?)
Sep. 19 – Fresno, CA @ Strummer’s * (Without WEEDEATER, because Fresno is already depressing enough.)
Sep. 20 – Los Angeles, CA @ Lodge Room (Where the bougie meet the Baroness.)
Sep. 21 – San Diego, CA @ Brick By Brick (Prepare for a brick wall of sound!)
Sep. 23 – Costa Mesa, CA @ The Wayfarer (Find your way to mediocrity!)
Sep. 24 – Costa Mesa, CA @ The Wayfarer
Sep. 26 – Phoenix, AZ @ Walter Studios (Hot riffs in the desert heat!)
Sep. 27 – Albuquerque, NM @ Sister Bar (Because every tour needs a random stop.)
* No WEEDEATER
Founded in 2003, BARONESS is John Baizley (vocals/guitar/chief beard officer), Gina Gleason (guitar/probably tired of playing the same songs), Nick Jost (bass/the quiet one), and Sebastian Thomson (drums/keeping the beat…barely). They’ve released six full-length albums, each one progressively less interesting than the last: “Stone” (2023), “Gold & Grey” (2019), “Purple” (2015), “Yellow & Green” (2012), “Blue Record” (2009), and the “Red Album” (2007). They’ve gotten ‘widespread acclaim’ (according to their PR team), and even a Grammy nomination (that they didn’t win, ha!). Pitchfork says they’re ‘remarkable’ (citation needed), Brooklyn Vegan says they’re ‘alive’ (debatable after this tour), and Revolver says “Stone” is a ‘wild ride’ (mostly downhill). 🎢
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
