**Oh, great, another “visionary” director, Zach Cregger of Weapons “fame,” is here to grace us with his “unique” take on Resident Evil. 🙄 As if we haven’t suffered enough from past cinematic atrocities, he’s bravely decided to ditch all the characters we actually care about. Because, you know, who needs Leon, Jill, Chris, or Claire when we can have…*checks notes*…some random nobodies nobody asked for? 🤷♂️**
So, Cregger, in his infinite wisdom, declared in an interview that his Resident Evil reboot won’t feature any of those pesky, beloved characters. Instead, he’s going to bless us with “new characters and stories” within the same universe. Because that’s totally what we wanted, right? Not a faithful adaptation of the games we adore, but a cheap imitation. 🤡 He even had the audacity to suggest that if we want to see Leon, Jill, Chris, or Claire, we should just “play the game.” As if playing the game is the same as seeing a well-made, respectful adaptation on the big screen. What a revolutionary idea! 🤯
Apparently, this guy is a “big fan” of the Resident Evil games. Sure, buddy, and I’m the Queen of England. 👑 If he were such a big fan, he’d know that butchering the source material is a surefire way to anger the fanbase. But hey, who cares about the fans when you can put your “artistic” spin on things? 🎨
“Let me say this – this is not breaking the rules of the games,” Cregger said. Oh, well, that’s alright then! 😅 Because introducing a bunch of random characters that nobody knows or cares about totally adheres to the spirit of the games. He claims he’s telling a story that’s a “love letter” to the games. More like a passive-aggressive hate letter. ✉️ He reassures us that he’s “obedient to the lore.” Yeah, right. Just like how all those other directors who promised faithful adaptations totally delivered. Remember Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City? No? Exactly. 🗑️
Constantin Film, the same production house that brought us the Milla Jovovich-led trainwreck, is back for more. Because why learn from your mistakes when you can keep churning out garbage? ♻️ They’re teaming up with PlayStation Productions, probably because Sony realized they haven’t milked this franchise enough. 💰
The movie is slated for release on September 18, 2026, just in time for the 30th anniversary of Capcom’s Resident Evil games. What a way to celebrate! 🎉 By spitting in the face of everything that made the games great. This is the second attempt to reboot the movie series, after the disastrous Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City. You’d think they’d learn their lesson, but apparently, some people enjoy watching their careers go up in flames. 🔥
The only video game movie adaptation that “sort of worked” was Mortal Kombat (2021). At least that movie had the decency to include some of the iconic characters. Maybe Cregger will pull a similar stunt and introduce some random OC like Cole Young. Or maybe he’ll just go full-blown avant-garde and give us a Resident Evil movie with sentient zombies playing mahjong. 🀄 Who knows? At this point, anything is possible. The Resident Evil universe has expanded beyond its notable characters, like when Ethan Winters became the protagonist. Oh yeah, let’s make the main character have the personality of a wet sponge. 🧽
In conclusion, get ready for another Resident Evil movie that will make you question all your life choices. 🎬 Because nothing says “entertainment” like watching a director completely miss the point of a beloved franchise. 😩
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
