OMG! Keeper, another horror film? 🙄 Directed by the one and only Osgood Perkins (yeah, the guy who did Longlegs and The Monkey – prepare to be underwhelmed 🙊), from a screenplay by…wait for it…Nick Lepard. Sounds totally legit. The cast? Drumroll please 🥁: Tatiana Maslany (she deserves better, tbh) and Rossif Sutherland (is that Kiefer’s cousin? Nephew? Who cares? 🤷♂️).
The film follows a couple who decide to “escape” to a secluded cabin for a romantic anniversary weekend. Because nothing says romance like potential axe murderers and dodgy plumbing. 🚽 When Malcolm (Sutherland) suddenly ditches Liz (Maslany) – probably to binge-watch cat videos on YouTube 😹 – she finds herself all alone. Dun, dun, DUUUN! In the presence of an unspeakable evil, because, you know, every cabin in the woods comes standard with one these days. Apparently, this evil unveils the cabin’s horrifying secrets. Like, maybe the last owners didn’t pay their property taxes? 🤔
Neon, bless their cotton socks, acquired the film in a “preemptive deal” last May. Translation: they panicked and bought it before anyone else saw it 🤣. Perkins and his partner Ferguson launched the production banner Phobos, with backing from Neon – because apparently, one horror movie wasn’t enough. They’ve entered a “first-look deal” with the studio. Meaning Neon gets first dibs on all the cinematic masterpieces 🎨 Perkins churns out. Neon will handle the U.S. release of Perkins’ latest…creation…and has also taken international rights, because the world deserves this, apparently. Elevation Pictures is set to distribute in Canada. Sorry, Canada! 🇨🇦
Keeper is, allegedly, due in cinemas on 14th November 2025. Mark your calendars, folks! Or, you know, just stay home and watch paint dry. It’s probably more thrilling. 😴
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
