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Month: August 2025

Top 10 Quotes From Kamala’s New Book
Babylon Bee

Top 10 Quotes From Kamala’s New Book

FinnAugust 5, 2025

Former Vice President Kamala Harris has written a new book about her brief presidential campaign called 107 Days, and The…

NASA’s Moon Shot: Let’s Nuke It Before China Does
Elephant Reads CNN

NASA’s Moon Shot: Let’s Nuke It Before China Does

Big ElephantAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

More moon race shenanigans! Acting NASA Administrator and all-around patriot Sean Duffy is lighting a fire under the agency’s rear…

Trump Takes Back Old Position At McDonald’s To Boost Weak Jobs Report
Babylon Bee

Trump Takes Back Old Position At McDonald’s To Boost Weak Jobs Report

FinnAugust 5, 2025

FEASTERVILLE, PA — President Donald Trump returned to the McDonald’s in Pennsylvania, where he previously worked, to boost the country’s…

Scott Disick Warns Son About Genetic Predisposition To Loserism
The Onion

Scott Disick Warns Son About Genetic Predisposition To Loserism

FinnAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Coming down to the child’s eye level in a moment of vulnerability, Scott Disick reportedly had an…

Democrats Declare Gerrymandering Bad Until They Need To Gerrymander Again
Babylon Bee

Democrats Declare Gerrymandering Bad Until They Need To Gerrymander Again

FinnAugust 5, 2025

AUSTIN, TX — Congressional Democrats announced today that they are very much opposed to electoral gerrymandering up until the time…

Montana Manhunt: More Difficult Than Finding a Decent Reality TV Show
Elephant Reads CNN

Montana Manhunt: More Difficult Than Finding a Decent Reality TV Show

Big ElephantAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

“`html Another day, another crisis manufactured by the liberal media to undermine our great President Trump! This time, they’re hyperventilating…

Tim Sweeney Throws a Hissy Fit Over Claims Mouse House Is Milking Fortnite Slower Than a Three-Legged Cow
Breaking, Movie News

Tim Sweeney Throws a Hissy Fit Over Claims Mouse House Is Milking Fortnite Slower Than a Three-Legged Cow

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

Oh, no they didn’t! 😱 Looks like someone at The Wall Street Journal decided to stir the pot 🍲 by…

From Touchdown to the Doghouse: Ex-NFL Star Gets Benched for Brutal Dogfighting Ring, Canine Castaways Flood Shelters
Elephant Reads CNN

From Touchdown to the Doghouse: Ex-NFL Star Gets Benched for Brutal Dogfighting Ring, Canine Castaways Flood Shelters

Big ElephantAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

Another day, another woke agenda item! Seems like the Deep State is at it again, folks. This time, they’re going…

Trump Thinks This Guy Isn’t Cool Enough to Run the Fed, Loser
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Thinks This Guy Isn’t Cool Enough to Run the Fed, Loser

Big ElephantAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump! The swamp creatures thought they could plant their guy, Scott Bessent, as Fed…

Ella McCay: Witness the Hilarious Clusterf*ck Starring Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, and a Whole Damn Comedy Posse
Breaking, Movie News

Ella McCay: Witness the Hilarious Clusterf*ck Starring Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, and a Whole Damn Comedy Posse

FinnAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

Oh, look, another movie about a woman trying to do it all! 🙄 Because we haven’t seen that, like, a…

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Latest posts

  • BREAKING: ANTHRAX Debuts New Song ‘Its For The Kids’ Because Clearly The World Was Missing A 60 Year Old Man Screaming About Juvenile Delinquency
  • The Witcher 3 Is Getting One Last Surprise Expansion Because You Clearly Didn’t Spend Enough Hours of Your Life Playing It Already and Geralt Is Coming Back to Ruin Your Social Life Again
  • Backrooms Review: Because Who Needs Original Ideas When You Can Just Copy Paste Some Spooky Stuff and Call it a Day
  • Become a Semi Competent Leader in 3 Easy Steps Learn to Stop Freaking Out and Maybe Possibly Adapt to Change
  • Because What Every Community Needs is More Bureaucratic Red Tape to Really Give Them Some Actual Power Over Their Own Lives

Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2025
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