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Month: September 2025

Analysis: Every Election is a Chance to Ruin Everything, Apparently
Elephant Reads CNN

Analysis: Every Election is a Chance to Ruin Everything, Apparently

Big ElephantSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Ah, CNN, still peddling their leftist drivel, I see. “Pendulum of power swinging”? More like the Deep State trying to…

Harvard Prof Thinks Trump’s Smithsonian Shenanigans Are, Like, *Totally* Replacing Facts With Unicorns and Stuff
Elephant Reads CNN

Harvard Prof Thinks Trump’s Smithsonian Shenanigans Are, Like, *Totally* Replacing Facts With Unicorns and Stuff

Big ElephantSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Oh, Harvard professor Imani Perry is crying again because President Trump is making the Smithsonian great again! Apparently, showcasing REAL…

Oops! Trumpy’s Tariff Tantrum May Get a Refund (Thanks, SCOTUS)
Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! Trumpy’s Tariff Tantrum May Get a Refund (Thanks, SCOTUS)

Big ElephantSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Here we go again, folks! The liberal 9th Circuit, probably funded by George Soros himself, has ruled against our glorious…

ICE, ICE, Baby: Delivery Drivers Ditch DC Faster Than You Can Say ‘Deportation’
Elephant Reads CNN

ICE, ICE, Baby: Delivery Drivers Ditch DC Faster Than You Can Say ‘Deportation’

Big ElephantSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Oh, the horror! It seems our beloved Washington D.C. is experiencing a slight… decluttering of its illegal immigrant population, and…

ATOMIC STEIF RIP: Ex-SODOM Drummer Gets Terminated
Breaking, Music News

ATOMIC STEIF RIP: Ex-SODOM Drummer Gets Terminated

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Oh no, not another one bites the dust! 🥁 Seems like former SODOM drummer Atomic Steif, or as his momma…

SEVENDUST To Start Pretending To Work On New Album Later This Month
Breaking, Music News

SEVENDUST To Start Pretending To Work On New Album Later This Month

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

OMG 😱! SEVENDUST, those dinosaurs 🦖 of rock 🪨, are STILL kicking? Apparently, they’re “putting the finishing touches” (lol, as…

Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines II: Now With Even MORE Choices (That Probably Don’t Matter)
Breaking, Games News

Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines II: Now With Even MORE Choices (That Probably Don’t Matter)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Oh, honey, let’s talk about Vampire: The Masquerade, that little tabletop RPG from 1991 that just WON’T die 🧛. Yeah,…

OMG! Taxpayer Uprising! Conservatives Join the Party (Like They Haven’t Been Rich This Whole Time)!
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG! Taxpayer Uprising! Conservatives Join the Party (Like They Haven’t Been Rich This Whole Time)!

Big ElephantSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Property Taxes? More Like Communist Confiscation! The Liberal Agenda to Steal Your Home, One Tax Bill at a Time! Marjorie…

Oh, You Like School Shooters? Maybe You Should Marry Them
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh, You Like School Shooters? Maybe You Should Marry Them

Big ElephantSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Another day, another leftist lunatic obsessed with violence! Can’t these snowflakes find a hobby that doesn’t involve hurting innocent people?…

Tesla Just Lightly Tossed a Measly Trillion at Elon, No Biggie
Elephant Reads CNN

Tesla Just Lightly Tossed a Measly Trillion at Elon, No Biggie

Big ElephantSeptember 7, 2025September 7, 2025

Oh, the horror! Tesla, that bastion of American ingenuity, is considering giving Elon Musk, a true visionary and friend of…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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