Locust Humiliated Swarm He Organized Only Got 40 Million Attendees
Read MoreThe OnionMEKELE, ETHIOPIA—Expressing utter embarrassment about the long-hyped event, a desert locust in the Ethiopian Highlands was reportedly humiliated…
Month: October 2025
NFL Bows To Pressure, Will Have Jordan Peterson Do Halftime Show Instead
NEW YORK, NY — Due to overwhelming pressure, the National Football League announced that it had canceled plans for rapper…
CHEAP TRICK Dumps ‘The Riff That Won’t Quit’ (Yeah Right) Single From Forthcoming ‘All Washed Up’ Album (Finally)
Oh, great, more “rock” from the dinosaurs. CHEAP TRICK, those guys who haven’t been relevant since before your grandma was…
Scorpions: Still Stinging After All These Years (Like a Really Annoying Bee)
OMG! 😱 The geriatric rockers SCORPIONS, still clinging to life after SIX DECADES (👴👴👴), are unleashing “From The First Sting”,…
Xbox Surrenders: Ex-Microsoft Leader Claims They’re Too Tired for Hardware, Wants to Play Games Instead
Oh, honey, grab your popcorn 🍿! Laura Fryer, a former Xbox bigwig, decided to drop a truth bomb 💣 on…
CNN’s Daniel Dale Bravely Fact-Checks Trump’s “Big, Beautiful Bill” (Spoiler Alert: It’s Not)
Oh, CNN, still “fact-checking” our glorious President Trump! You’d think after eight years of winning, they’d learn. This “big, beautiful…
Iron Maiden Gets Minted: Officially Older Than Your Dad’s Coin Collection
The Royal Mint, bless their cotton socks, has decided to slap IRON MAIDEN‘s mug on a coin. 🙄 Apparently, these…
Tomato Apocalypse Imminent, Prepare Your Bland Sandwiches Now
Oh no, not tomatoes! The radical leftist media at CNN is at it again, trying to scare Americans with tales…
Subnautica 2 Founders Throw a Hissy Fit, Sue Krafton for Being Too Demanding Like a Bratty Bride
Oh, the drama! 🎭 Apparently, after getting the boot 🥾 this month, the oh-so-important founders of Unknown Worlds are crying…
ICE’s Popularity Plummets Faster Than My GPA After Discovering Memes
Oh, the liberal media is at it again, folks! CNN is clutching their pearls because President Trump’s big, beautiful agenda…