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Month: March 2026

Study: Infants Respond To Rustling Of Potato Chip Bag As Early As 3 Weeks
The Onion

Study: Infants Respond To Rustling Of Potato Chip Bag As Early As 3 Weeks

FinnMarch 27, 2026

       ITASCA, IL—In what researchers are hailing as an incredible breakthrough in the understanding of early childhood development, a study…

Ancient Scroll Reveals Lost Miracle Of Christ Correctly Guessing People’s Weights
The Onion

Ancient Scroll Reveals Lost Miracle Of Christ Correctly Guessing People’s Weights

FinnMarch 27, 2026

       JERUSALEM—Historians confirmed Friday that a recent archaeological find in the Judean Hills is an authentic early Christian scroll, one…

Events

Get Ready for a Gut Bomb of Epic Proportions 40+ Food Trucks and Craft Vendors Take Over Raleigh North Carolina

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 27, 2026

🎉 Come for the food, stay for the drama 🍴😂 Join Foodees Food and Culture Festival in Raleigh, NC, March…

Events

Because You Clearly Need More Nachos in Your Life Las Vegas FoodieLand Festival

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 27, 2026

FoodieLand: because you clearly don’t have enough food coma 🤯🍔👅 Las Vegas Motor Speedway (7000 Las Vegas Blvd N, Las…

Events

Desarrollá tu propio liderazgo porque obviamente nadie más lo va a hacer por ti y los resultados dependen de ti

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 26, 2026

Curso Universitario: Certificado por la Universidad Abierta Interamericana 🎓 🤣👏 Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical…

The Trump Admin’s Dilemma: Go Broke or Go Broke Under Water?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Trump Admin’s Dilemma: Go Broke or Go Broke Under Water?

Big ElephantMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Holy Smokes! The Strait of Hormuz Crisis Is Way Worse Than You Think! Holy smokes, folks! You won’t believe what’s…

Israeli Foreign Minister says “Not Ruling Out Assassination Plans” as Iran Picks New Supreme Leader – Because Why Not Add More Drama to the Middle East Soap Opera?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Israeli Foreign Minister says “Not Ruling Out Assassination Plans” as Iran Picks New Supreme Leader – Because Why Not Add More Drama to the Middle East Soap Opera?

Big ElephantMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Israeli FM Gideon Sa’ar Won’t Rule Out “Military Option” as New Supreme Leader Takes Iran’s Helm In a bombshell interview…

Delta Suspends Special Congressional Services Amid TSA Shutdown
The Onion

Delta Suspends Special Congressional Services Amid TSA Shutdown

FinnMarch 26, 2026

       Delta Air Lines cut off special services for members of Congress due to the impact of the partial government…

Harry Potter TV Show Trailer Drops, Wizards Everywhere Lose Their Wands Over It
Breaking, Movie News

Harry Potter TV Show Trailer Drops, Wizards Everywhere Lose Their Wands Over It

FinnMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

So, after roughly a billion dollars in merchandising, theme parks, and questionable wizard-themed weddings, the wizarding world is back —…

GeForce NOW Adds Screamer, King’s Quest, and More to Its Ever-Growing Collection of Games You’ll Never Have Time to Play
GeForce NOW Library Expands Like My Aunt's Waistline After Thanksgiving
Breaking, Games News

GeForce NOW Adds Screamer, King’s Quest, and More to Its Ever-Growing Collection of Games You’ll Never Have Time to Play

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Just when you thought your digital game library couldn’t possibly get any more bloated, GeForce NOW has decided to throw…

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Latest posts

  • ISIS Claims Responsibility For Reflecting Pool Algae
  • Obama Library Cruelly Disenfranchises Millions Of Black Americans By Requiring Photo ID For Entry
  • Cringe: Out-Of-Touch Company Posts Pride Logo Like It’s 2014 Or Something
  • Liberal snowflakes freak out over Trump’s impending election domination wins
  • Liberal actor whines about Juneteenth being supposedly erased by Trump

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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