Hold onto your warp drives, folks — William Shatner is back at it again, and this time he’s not just boldly going where no man has gone before… he’s boldly screaming where no 95-year-old has screamed before. That’s right, the man who once commanded the USS Enterprise is now commanding the mosh pit, and he’s brought heavy metal royalty along for the ride.
At an age when most people are content with a nice nap and some light bingo, Shatner is out here recruiting Rob Halford of JUDAS PRIEST to help him reimagine the metal anthem “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin'”. Yes, the guy who once asked alien women to “beam him up” is now asking Halford to “beam him up… to the front row of a Slayer concert.”
Shatner, ever the poetic philosopher, said of the collaboration: “I’ve always been drawn to the energy and storytelling of heavy metal.” Which is a very elegant way of saying, “I finally found a genre where my dramatic pauses and shouting are considered art.” And Halford? He’s apparently thrilled. He said: “One life I’m gonna live it up!” Which, coincidentally, is also what Shatner screams every time he passes a pharmacy without tripping over his own feet.
This isn’t Shatner’s first rodeo in the music world. Oh no. This is the man who once released a spoken-word cover of “Rocket Man” that sounded like a confused AI trying to read Shakespeare while drunk. He’s also the genius behind “Has Been”, an album so deeply weird that even Miley Cyrus was like, “Dude, maybe take it down a notch.”
But now he’s going full metal. Because why stop at confusing people when you can deafen them? And who better to help than Rob Halford, the leather-clad banshee who’s been screaming into microphones since before Shatner knew what a microphone was. Together, they’re basically the odd couple of audio chaos — like if Captain Kirk and the Angel of Death teamed up to fight Klingons at a Pantera concert.
Of course, Shatner isn’t doing this alone. Cleopatra Records is backing him, because apparently someone out there thinks it’s a great idea to let a 95-year-old man scream about rebellion over double-kick drums. Founder Brian Perera said he’s “honored to be a part of another chapter in Shatner’s musical journey,” which is record-label-speak for “We have no idea what’s happening, but the streams are going to be WILD.”
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more metal, it turns out Shatner’s already dipped his toe into the scene with Chris Poland of MEGADETH on a track called “Prophet Of Fall-Out”. Which sounds like a rejected Fallout game title but is apparently a real song. The upcoming album “Black Flame” drops in April, so mark your calendars — or don’t, because by then Shatner will probably have released three more albums and started a deathcore side project.
But wait, there’s more! Shatner’s also a writer, a director, a producer, a horseman, and probably a part-time cryptid at this point. He’s written nearly 30 books, won Emmys, Golden Globes, and probably a participation trophy or two from his local senior center. He’s lived more lives than a cat in a sci-fi convention.
And now, with this metal album, he’s proving once again that he’s not just a cultural icon — he’s a cultural wrecking ball. Because at 95, most people are worrying about their cholesterol. Shatner’s worrying about whether his next breakdown should be in E-flat minor.
So, buckle up, metalheads. The next time you hear a guttural scream followed by a long, dramatic pause and the words “I am the… VOIIIICE… of DESTRUCTION!” — don’t panic. It’s just William Shatner, still out here proving that age is just a number, and that number is “louder than your amp.”
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
