Rubio Buddy Gets 10 Years for Lobbying on the Down Low

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A former Miami congressman, David Rivera, has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for his involvement in a secret $50 million lobbying campaign on Venezuela’s behalf during the first Trump administration. Rivera, a longtime friend of US Secretary of State Marco Rubio, was found guilty on all counts, including failing to register as a foreign agent and conspiracy to commit money laundering. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up – the guy was using code words like “Sombrero” and “Miss Clairol” to discuss his activities with his buddies.

Rivera’s defense team argued that he believed he was under no requirement to disclose his work, and that the $50 million contract with his one-man consulting firm was focused on luring oil giant ExxonMobil back to Venezuela – commercial work that is generally exempt from the Foreign Agents Registration Act. But prosecutors said Rivera used the contract as cover for illegal lobbying, and that he set up an encrypted chat group called MIA to discuss his activities with his main conduit to the Maduro government, Venezuelan media tycoon Raúl Gorrín.

Now, I’m not sure what’s more astonishing – the fact that Rivera thought he could get away with this, or the fact that his friends and supporters are still standing by him. I mean, the guy has faced controversy before, including allegations that he secretly funded a Democratic spoiler candidate in a 2012 congressional race. But despite all that, he remains popular among Miami’s Cuban American establishment. Bless their hearts.

The trial offered a rare glimpse into Miami’s role as a crossroads for foreign influence campaigns aimed at shaping US policy toward Latin America. It’s like a real-life episode of “House of Cards” – except instead of Frank Underwood, you have David Rivera and his buddies trying to manipulate influential friends, including Rubio and Rep. Pete Sessions of Texas. And let’s not forget the coded figures – “Sombrero” for Sessions, “Miss Clairol” for Rubio, and “The Lady in Red” for Venezuelan Foreign Minister Delcy Rodríguez.

Somewhere in Atlanta, a producer thought this sounded terrifying, and now we have a convicted felon who’s going to spend the next 10 years in prison. But hey, at least he’s got his friends to show their support – including the former president of Florida International University and Miami-Dade County’s supervisor of elections, who packed the courtroom to show their love for the guy. I guess that’s what happens when you devote decades to public service, much of it focused on defending liberty and democracy – you get a lot of friends who are willing to overlook your, ahem, “indiscretions”.

In the end, the judge rejected Rivera’s motion to lower the federal guidelines range, saying “This is a classic money laundering case.” And now, Rivera faces additional federal charges in Washington, DC, in a related foreign lobbying case. I guess you could say he’s having a bad day – but hey, at least he’s got his code words to keep him company. 🤣

So, to sum it up, David Rivera is going to prison for a long time, and his friends are still supporting him. It’s a wild story, full of twists and turns – but in the end, justice has been served. And as I always say, “you can’t make this stuff up” – except apparently, you can, if you’re David Rivera and his buddies. Anyway, that’s the story of David Rivera – a cautionary tale of what happens when you try to manipulate the system and get caught. Moral of the story: don’t try to lobby for a dictator, and don’t use code words like “Sombrero” and “Miss Clairol” – it’s just not worth it. 😂

Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.