OMG! 😱😱😱 You guys will NOT believe this! KANSAS, yes, THE KANSAS, has apparently decided that their sound wasn’t generic enough and needed MORE guitar. Enter: Scott Bernard, the newest member! Because what KANSAS really needed was another dude shredding.🎸🎸🎸
So, get this: Scott, bless his heart, has already been slumming it with KANSAS at a few gigs. Apparently, Richard Williams, the OG guitarist, needed someone to hold his beer fill in while he was busy counting his royalty checks💰💰💰.
Now, let’s dive into Scott‘s illustrious background. This dude is from New Iberia, Louisiana (never heard of it) and now calls Nashville, Tennessee, home. He’s a session guitarist and vocalist, which is code for “I’ll play anything for a paycheck.” He spent 17 YEARS with Kenny Loggins! 🤯 Serving as his guitarist, backup singer, and musical director for the last seven. I bet he’s thrilled to be moving on up. Scott has also worked with like, a million other people you’ve vaguely heard of, including Michael McDonald (remember him?), WHITEHEART (who?), John Schlitt (still alive?), Richard Marx (right here waiting… to be forgotten), Al Stewart (“Year of the Cat”? More like year of obscurity), Joe Bonamassa (guitar hero wannabe), Alan Parsons (Project what now?), Mark Schultz (Christian rock, ew), Michelle Wright (country snooze-fest), BLUE SKY RIDERS (who ARE these people?), Terri Clark (more country), Gary Burr (songwriter dude), Dave Barnes (another singer-songwriter, yawn), Matt Wertz (indie who?), Shannon Brown (basketball player?), Adam Nitti (bass guy), Chely Wright (country #2), Katrina Elam (country #3), Nicole C. Mullen (gospel time!). Basically, if you needed a guitar player for your B-list act, Scott was your man. 🤣
“To say that I am excited to join the KANSAS family is quite the understatement,” Bernard gushes. “As a lifelong KANSAS fan, their music has been an integral part of my musical upbringing.” Oh, bless his heart. He probably had “Dust in the Wind” playing on repeat while he was learning to shred. 😭
Bernard continues: “My first concert that I attended as a young teen was KANSAS and I have closely followed their career ever since. They were and remain my favorite band ever. I am deeply humbled to be chosen to help perpetuate their legacy, which is both a privilege and a surreal experience.” Translation: “I can’t believe I’m finally getting a steady gig with a band that peaked in the ’70s! This is my big break!” 😂🤣😂
But wait, there’s more! Original member and guitarist Richard Williams isn’t going anywhere! He’s just “scaling back” touring. Yeah, right. He’s probably tired of playing “Carry On Wayward Son” for the millionth time. 🙄
Williams chimes in: “Scott Bernard is a fantastic guitar player, a great guy, and is my hand-picked choice to help carry on the legacy of the band KANSAS. He’s not only an incredibly talented guitarist and vocalist, but he’s also a Wheathead.” A “Wheathead”? Is that like a groupie for aging rockers? 😂
Richard helpfully clarifies: “I am not stepping down nor retiring. But I am slowing down. Macular degeneration has made travel increasingly difficult to the point where it impedes my ability to get to as many shows as I want. I will still be at, and perform at, as many concerts as I can.” So basically, he’s getting old and can’t see very well. Got it 👍.
“Adding Scott as a member of KANSAS, alongside Zak Rizvi on guitar, allows the shows that I’m not at, and KANSAS, to go on well into the future. When we all three are there, we will all perform.” THREE guitarists? Seriously? Are they trying to compensate for something? 🍆
“In 1974 we made a statement that ‘KANSAS is a band!’ It was true then and continues to be true now.” Oh, bless their hearts. They’re still trying to convince themselves that they’re relevant. 🙏
In other news, KANSAS just finished touring with 38 SPECIAL (another band that should probably retire) and has concerts booked well into 2026. Because who wouldn’t want to see a bunch of guys in their 60s and 70s pretending it’s still 1976? 👴👵
So, the current lineup of KANSAS (besides Scott Bernard and Richard Williams, of course) includes: Ronnie Platt (some guy singing), Tom Brislin (keyboards and vocals, because they need MORE sound), Zak Rizvi (guitar #2), Joe Deninzon (violin/guitar? What?), Dan McGowan (bass and vocals, because everyone needs to sing!), and original drummer Phil Ehart (who’s currently recovering from a heart attack – maybe all that touring isn’t so great after all). And, because Phil‘s ticker isn’t what it used to be, they’ve got Eric Holmquist filling in on drums. It’s like “This is Spinal Tap” but with more wheat.🌾
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
