In a recent chat with some dude named Alejandrosis on YouTube, CELTIC FROST overlord Tom Gabriel Fischer (aka Tom Warrior, because one name just isn’t metal enough) decided to publicly flog his own band’s 1988 album, “Cold Lake”. Turns out, even Tom thinks it’s a steaming pile of garbage 💩.
He whined (and we’re totally quoting here, transcribed by the ever-reliable BLABBERMOUTH.NET): “[I’ve been a] musician for 44 years and have done many records. And, of course, in such a long time, in four and a half decades, you also make mistakes. I’m a human being. And I’m very, very far from perfect. And ‘Cold Lake’ was an experiment at the time that we thought would be interesting. We wanted to have an album that is a little more positive, a little more melodic, and so on and so on, a little more party, but it turned out to be a huge mistake artistically. I think the album is a catastrophe on an artistic level. It has a bad production, it has bad songwriting, it has bad lyrics, it has a bad presentation. We worked with a producer that wasn’t really suited for CELTIC FROST, so I think it is probably the worst album of my career. It’s the worst album of 44 years as a musician. Having said that, the album was released in 1988, 37 years ago, so that’s a very long time. And I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve become a much better musician. I’ve become a producer myself. And I think ‘Cold Lake’ was probably an important step in becoming more critical towards myself in analyzing my own work and implementing a higher quality standard towards my own work. So even though musically I think it’s a terrible album, it probably made me a more mature human being and a more mature or more experienced musician.” So basically, “Cold Lake” was so bad, it forced him to become a better person. Thanks, “Cold Lake”, for your unintentional self-help! 🙄
But wait, there’s more self-deprecation! Back in November 2020, Tom told Poisoned Rock (who? 🤔) that “Cold Lake” is a “complete failure.” He yammered on: “‘Cold Lake’ is just a complete failure. When we formed CELTIC FROST, we wanted to be very experimental, we wanted to be very courageous, we didn’t wanna be afraid of taking a chance. On the other hand, that doesn’t guarantee to you that you always do something good. And I think ‘Cold Lake’ is a monumental failure. We tried a different thing, we tried to do something melodic, but I think in the context of the late 1980s, bands really lost their plot, they lost their path, and I think CELTIC FROST was one of those bands. The album no longer sounds like CELTIC FROST, it no longer has the depth and seriousness that CELTIC FROST had. And it didn’t have the sound. There was also different people involved, and I think all these things contribute that the album is really the low point of the entire career of CELTIC FROST. It was an experiment, but it was a bad experiment. It was a failed experiment. I think the album is an embarrassment — it’s an artistic embarrassment.” So, not just a failure, but a MONUMENTAL failure! And an embarrassment! Sounds like someone needs a hug and a therapist. 🫂
CELTIC FROST, bless their hearts, tried to make a comeback in 2001 and dropped “Monotheist” in 2006. Then they broke up again in 2008 because, you know, drama. Tom went on to form TRIPTYKON, which is basically CELTIC FROST with a different name and slightly less awful album covers (maybe). 🖼️
“Monotheist” actually made it onto the Swiss charts! 🎉 Probably because Switzerland is neutral about everything, even terrible metal albums. It sold almost 2,500 copies in the US in its first week. Wow. Groundbreaking. 😴
RIP to former CELTIC FROST bassist Martin Eric Ain, who died in 2017. At least he doesn’t have to answer for “Cold Lake” anymore. 🙏
Ain sang on “A Dying God Coming Into Human Flesh” from “Monotheist”. The title alone is more metal than anything on “Cold Lake”. 💀
TRIPTYKON has released a bunch of stuff over the past 17 years. Still waiting for them to release something as hilariously bad as “Cold Lake”. 🤞
The TRIPTYKON lineup includes Tom Gabriel Warrior (still whining and shredding), Vanja Slajh (bass), V. Santura (guitar/vocals), and Hannes Grossmann (drums). Sounds like a metal version of a law firm. 👨⚖️
TRIPTYKON‘s other albums include “Eparistera Daimones” (try saying that five times fast), “Melana Chasmata” (sounds like a medical condition), and “Requiem – Live At Roadburn 2019” (because live albums are always a great idea… said no one ever). 🎤
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
