OH NO, JASON NEWSTED IS WRITING A BOOK AND WE’RE ALL DOOMED 🤯! I mean, who doesn’t want to read 130 chapters of Jason’s memoirs? It’s not like we have better things to do, like listening to Metallica’s entire discography on repeat or something. 🎸
So, in a recent interview with Spin magazine, Jason Newsted, the former Metallica bassist, revealed that he’s been working on his memoir for about five years now. Because, you know, the world was just missing a book about Jason Newsted’s life story. I’m sure it’ll be a thrilling page-turner, full of vivid descriptions of his time touring with Metallica and… well, more touring with Metallica. 🚐
But Wait, There’s More! 🤔
Apparently, Jason’s been sitting on this book deal for a decade now, and he’s finally decided to get around to writing it. I mean, who needs a deadline when you’ve got 130 chapters to fill? He’s promised that it won’t be a rehashing of old stories, but rather a deep dive into his personal experiences and… wait for it… poetry and lyric book! Because what every metalhead needs is a healthy dose of Jason Newsted’s poetry. 📚
And, of course, he’ll be touring with his band, The Chophouse Band, this summer, because what’s a book release without a little promotion, am I right? 🎸 They’ll be playing a whopping 18 dates across North America, including a two-night stand at the legendary Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee. I’m sure it’ll be a wild ride, full of stories about his time in Metallica and… did I mention his poetry? 🎶
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Why should I care about Jason Newsted’s book or tour?” Well, let me tell you, it’s not like you have anything better to do, like watching paint dry or waiting for the next Metallica album. 🤣 But seriously, if you’re a die-hard Metallica fan or just a fan of Jason’s work, you might want to check it out. Just don’t expect any juicy gossip or mudslinging – Jason’s promised to keep it classy. 🙏
The Plot Thickens 🕵️♂️
It turns out that Jason was diagnosed with throat cancer last year, but he kept it under wraps until May 2026. Because, you know, what’s a little cancer when you’ve got a book to write and a tour to promote? 🤷♂️ He’s since undergone surgery and is now “free and clear,” which is great news for… well, everyone, I suppose. 🙌
And, as a bonus, we get to hear about his experiences touring with Metallica and how one Metallica year is equivalent to “four or five” normal years. Because, you know, touring with Metallica is basically like being in a war zone, but with more groupies and less artillery. 🤪
So, there you have it, folks – Jason Newsted’s memoir is coming, and we’re all just thrilled about it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to read about his time in Metallica, his poetry, and his… okay, you get the idea. 🙄 Just don’t expect me to be first in line to buy the book or attend one of his shows. I’ll be over here, listening to Master of Puppets on repeat, pretending that Jason Newsted never left Metallica. 🎧
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
