I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news from Washington, DC, where the city briefly had the worst air quality of any major city in the world after a massive Fourth of July fireworks show. I mean, who needs clean air when you can have fireworks, right? The show was organized by Freedom 250, a nonprofit backed by none other than Donald Trump, because what’s more patriotic than polluting the air? The 40-minute display was expected to set a Guinness World Record, because who doesn’t love a good record-breaking pollution event?
The city officials issued a Code Red Air Quality Alert, asking residents to limit their time outside, which is basically the opposite of what you’re supposed to do on the 4th of July. I mean, shouldn’t we be out there grilling burgers and enjoying the sunshine, not stuck inside worrying about unhealthy air? The alert warned that the air was “unhealthy for seniors, kids, people with medical conditions” and that the general public may experience health issues, which is just peachy.
By 5:30 p.m. ET Sunday, DC had slipped down to No. 26 on the air quality monitoring platform, IQAir, which is a relief, I guess. The fireworks show came as DC and the Northeast were suffering under an extreme heat wave, because why not make things worse, right? The district saw a triple-digit high temperature on Saturday, which primed the atmosphere for thunderstorms that saw the National Mall evacuated before the fireworks show. It’s like the city was just begging for a pollution disaster.
Dr. Kisha Davis, the chief health officer of nearby Montgomery County, Maryland, told CNN that the air quality was like “running a marathon while smoking a cigarette,” which is a great way to put it. I mean, who needs clean air when you can have the equivalent of smoking a pack of cigarettes? The 850,000-firework display was expected to make matters worse, because of course it would. But hey, at least the rain could help cleanse the air, right? As Dr. Davis said, “It does push all of those, you know, chemicals and pollutants into the water system, but they are at least out of the air.”
The show was massive, with hundreds of thousands of fireworks shells launched from 10 sites spanning the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, Potomac River barges, and West Potomac Park. It was expected to set a Guinness World Record, because what’s more American than setting records for pollution? The benchmark was 810,904 fireworks at a 2016 New Year’s Eve countdown celebration in the Philippines, which is a lot of fireworks. The capital’s spectacle was about 10 times bigger than Macy’s Fourth of July Fireworks Show in New York, which is typically the nation’s largest Independence Day bash.
Internal National Park Service documents showed that the fireworks show was expected to cause “very unhealthy” conditions in central DC, which is no surprise. The documents suggested that people should limit exposure to the pollution and recommended that those watching the fireworks outdoors wear N95 masks, because who doesn’t love wearing a mask on the 4th of July? The park service didn’t provide a comment about the internal documents when reached by CNN, which is just great.
The DC Fire and EMS Department reported 96 patient contacts and 40 patient transports from the National Mall between midnight Friday and 9 a.m. Sunday, according to the National Special Security Event Joint Information Center. George Washington University also reported 289 patient contacts from the National Mall as of 10 p.m. Saturday, which is a lot of people getting medical attention. President Donald Trump wrote on social media that the display was “the Most Spectacular Fireworks Show I have ever seen, and I’ve seen them all,” which is just what you’d expect from him.
In conclusion, the 4th of July fireworks show in Washington, DC was a massive pollution event that briefly made the city’s air quality the worst in the world. The show was expected to set a Guinness World Record, because what’s more American than setting records for pollution? The city officials issued a Code Red Air Quality Alert, and the air quality was so bad that it was like “running a marathon while smoking a cigarette.” So, the next time you’re thinking of attending a fireworks show, just remember: you might want to bring a mask, and a sense of humor. After all, as they say, “you can’t have your cake and eat it, too” – or in this case, you can’t have clean air and fireworks, too!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
