In a turn of events no one saw coming — or maybe everyone secretly did — Lizzo, the self-proclaimed queen of body positivity, is now threatening to drop her robe and her inhibitions on OnlyFans. Yes, you read that right. The Grammy-winning artist has announced that if her Instagram likes don’t return to their «usual numbers», she’ll start flooding the adult content platform with free nude content. 😱🎥 «I will f**king do it», she warned. «Y’all will stop sleeping and eating when you see my nude content.» Bold words, but are we ready for such seismic activity on the internet? 🌍📉
This bizarre declaration comes amid ongoing controversy over Lizzo’s sudden and dramatic weight loss. Once the poster child for body positivity, the 36-year-old singer now finds herself labeled a «traitor» by her fans. Why? Because she recently swapped her former mantra for the nebulous concept of «body neutrality» — a fancy way of saying, «I’m done preaching; y’all figure it out yourselves.» Adding fuel to the fire is the rampant speculation that her transformation was aided by Ozempic, a diabetes drug turned diet pill for the rich and TikTok-famous. Of course, Lizzo vehemently denies these accusations, claiming her slimmed-down figure is the product of intense «training». Sure, Lizzo. And I guess Santa’s real too. 🎅😂
Naturally, the internet has reacted with its usual grace and maturity. Fans who once rallied behind her «Love yourself at any size» mantra are now dragging her through the virtual mud. «How dare she?» they cry, as if Lizzo owed them a lifetime of plus-sized solidarity. Some even accuse her of betraying the very movement she helped popularize. Others? They’re busy Googling «Ozempic side effects» while clutching their kale smoothies and weeping into their meal-prepped quinoa. 🥗😭
But Lizzo’s not taking the criticism lying down (yet). Instead, she’s doubling down on her new persona: part diva, part internet troll. «You think I care about your nasty comments? I’ll make an OnlyFans account and give it all away for free», she declared. And honestly, it’s the kind of chaotic energy we didn’t know we needed in 2025. Imagine scrolling through your feed, only to be ambushed by Lizzo twerking, lounging, or just vibing in her birthday suit, all while holding the world hostage for Instagram likes. If this doesn’t redefine the term «influencer», I don’t know what will. 😂🔥
Of course, this raises some philosophical questions. Is this a shrewd marketing ploy, or has Lizzo finally cracked under the pressure of public opinion? And what does it say about our culture that a pop star feels the need to weaponize nudity just to stay relevant? Are we the problem, or is it Lizzo? 🤔🤷♂️
Whatever the case, Lizzo’s OnlyFans threats have already divided the internet. Her haters are sharpening their pitchforks, her die-hard fans are throwing money at their screens, and the rest of us? We’re just here for the memes. Because let’s face it, nothing screams «2025» like a pop star leveraging free porn to silence her critics. 🍑💻
So, what’s next for Lizzo? Will she follow through on her promises and usher in a new era of celebrity OnlyFans accounts? Or is this just another publicity stunt designed to keep her name trending? Either way, one thing’s for sure: Lizzo knows how to keep us talking. And in a world where attention is currency, she’s clearly a billionaire. 💸
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
