Democracy Falls As Man Who Received The Most Votes Becomes President
Read MoreBabylon Bee Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a…
Month: January 2025
Elderly Dementia Patient Cruelly Evicted From Home
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The next era of life in the United States promised to be a sobering one, as Americans…
Confused Trump Autographs Swearing-In Bible Before Handing It Back To Justice Roberts
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Hampering the chief justice’s efforts to swear him in for a second term, President-elect Donald Trump autographed the…
Sewage Sludge Used As Fertilizer Poses Health Risks
Read MoreThe OnionThe EPA warned that forever chemicals found in sewage sludge that some farmers use to fertilize fields and…
🎤 Snoop Dogg’s Hazy Night: Forgets Performing at Trump’s Crypto Bash! 🕶️
In a twist that could only happen in 2025, rapper Snoop Dogg, the 53-year-old hip-hop legend, found himself at the…
With TikTok Ban, Americans Now Only Being Spied On By Pentagon, Google, Facebook, Apple, Samsung, Doorbell, Toaster
U.S. — The general public was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief this weekend due to knowing that,…
Biden Confirms That Before Declaring New Amendment, He Talked To Respected Constitutional Scholars Beavis And Butt-Head
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning declaration, President Biden has unilaterally added a new amendment to the Constitution, officially making…
FDA Bans Red Food Dye
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Food and Drug Administration has banned the use of red dye No. 3 in food, beverages,…
With TikTok Banned, China Forced To Spy On Americans By Hiding Little Cameras In Fortune Cookies
BEIJING — With a TikTok ban soon to take effect in the United States, the Chinese Communist Party was forced…
Egyptologists Unearth Depictions Of Simple Ramps, Levers Aliens Used To Build Pyramids
Read MoreThe OnionCAIRO—Finally solving the mystery of how such architectural wonders could have been built with primitive tools in ancient…