Bossa Games, the notorious developers behind “Surgeon Simulator”, “I Am Bread”, and “I Am Fish”, have once again redefined the concept of workplace benefits – this time by introducing an exciting new program allowing employees to trade their own internal organs for job security. In a move that perfectly embodies the spirit of their most famous game, the studio’s management has announced that any staff member willing to part with a non-essential body part (say, a kidney or an appendix) can secure at least one more year of employment. 🏥🔪
🫀 Bossa Games Announces New “Internal Organ Retention Program” Amid Second Wave of Layoffs
This revolutionary decision was reportedly made after the company faced its second round of layoffs in less than a year, following a previous purge that saw nearly a third of employees cast out like an unwanted gallbladder. According to Henrique Olifiers, co-founder and now unofficial Chief Medical Butcher, “We are simply following the capitalist ethos – supply and demand! If our employees demand to keep their jobs, they must supply something valuable in return. The market dictates that kidneys are worth more than hard work nowadays!” 💰💉
With rent prices skyrocketing and job security being a distant memory in the gaming industry, Bossa’s employees have already started frantically researching black-market organ prices, desperate to figure out whether their left lung is worth a six-month contract extension or if their spleen could get them a raise. One anonymous developer, currently breathing through what remains of his dignity, shared his thoughts: “Honestly, if my pancreas can keep me employed, I say take it! I was going to lose my health insurance anyway!” 😵💫
The company is even considering introducing an internal marketplace for trading body parts among employees, tentatively titled “Surgeon Simulator: Live Edition”. The idea is simple – if you don’t want to sell your own kidney, you can swap your co-worker’s cornea for an extra week of paid vacation. Sources suggest a barter system may emerge where junior developers offer their wisdom teeth in exchange for keeping their desks, while senior staff negotiate with their gallbladders for a more stable pension plan. 🏚️👀
Ethical concerns? Never heard of them! “We believe in pushing the boundaries of game development,” Olifiers continued. “What better way to do so than by allowing our employees to experience firsthand what our games are all about? We’re just giving them a more immersive work environment – one that includes an operating table and some anesthetic, if they’re lucky!” When asked whether he would be participating in the program, Olifiers reportedly laughed so hard that he nearly coughed up a lung – one he will definitely not be donating. 🤡🎭
Meanwhile, leading job search platforms have updated their listings, adding a new filter under “Required Skills”: “Must have at least two functioning organs left”. With game studios collapsing faster than an overworked developer’s immune system, other companies in the industry are reportedly “keeping an eye” on Bossa’s innovative employment strategies. A source at a major AAA studio suggested that soon, entry-level applicants may be required to provide a liver biopsy along with their resumes. 🍷📝
Labor unions and human rights organizations have expressed mild concern over the news, but in true 2025 fashion, they’re mostly occupied with drafting a strongly worded tweet. The World Health Organization (WHO) has also issued a statement: “While we generally frown upon corporate organ trafficking, we do acknowledge that in today’s economy, this may be an effective survival strategy.” The WHO then promptly released an NFT of the statement to fund their own struggling operations. 🏦💀
Some critics argue that this whole situation is merely an elaborate PR stunt to promote an upcoming “Surgeon Simulator” sequel, rumored to feature an ultra-realistic “Corporate Downsizing” DLC. According to leaks, players will take on the role of a desperate game developer trying to remove their own appendix with a rusty spoon while negotiating for a dental plan. 🎮😈
As the situation develops, Bossa Games employees continue debating whether to part with a kidney or just give up entirely and try their luck on OnlyFans. Either way, one thing is clear – the future of gaming is in pieces… literally. 🩻💔
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
