Single Woman Constantly Stressed With No Man Around To Tell Her To Relax
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Local single woman Michelle Denton continues to be perpetually stressed out as she sadly has no…
Month: March 2025
Biblical Scholars Now Believe Jesus Will Return Again 13 Days After Second Coming To Pick Up Orthodox Believers
U.S. — After years of examining the texts about the second coming of Christ, Bible scholars now believe that Jesus…
Mayhem Goes Pop🤘: Norwegian Black Metal Legends Release Album ‘Lady Gaga’ 😱
🎸 In the world of black metal, a scandal is brewing! The iconic Norwegian band Mayhem, known for their dark…
128 New Moons Found Orbiting Saturn
Read MoreThe OnionAstronomers have discovered over 100 additional moons orbiting Saturn, bringing the gas giant’s total to 274. What do…
Russia Says It Will Agree To Ceasefire As Soon As It’s Done Conquering Ukraine
MOSCOW — In an encouraging development for the seemingly deadlocked negotiations, Russia now says that it would agree to a…
JD Vance’s French Horn Solo Booed At Kennedy Center
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Failing to receive the reaction he anticipated from audience members, JD Vance was booed at the John F.…
Dad Issues Kids Night Vision Goggles So Family Never Has To Turn On A Light Again
HOULTON, ME — Local man Chris Porter stumbled upon an incredible life hack to reduce his family’s electric bill after…
RFK Jr. Claims Measles Can Be Cured With A Good Concealer
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In the wake of a growing outbreak that has sickened hundreds and killed two in West Texas and…
Tennessee Man Shot By Dog
Read MoreThe OnionA Memphis man was recently grazed by a bullet in his home after his 1-year-old pit bull, Oreo,…
Studies Show Majority Of People Who Say They Don’t Want Kids Have Never Flown A Toddler Around In A Laundry Basket While Making Rocket Ship Sounds
CINCINNATI, OH — An eye-opening new study has shown that the majority of people who say they don’t want to…