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Month: March 2025

The Onion

Report: More Americans Moving Away From Urban Areas For Rural Life Where They Have Escalating Feud With Beaver

FinnMarch 14, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionCAMBRIDGE, MA—Suggesting the reversal of a longstanding historical trend towards urbanization, a report published Tuesday by researchers at…

Hollywood Buzz: Goofy Replaces Rachel Zegler in Snow White!😱
Goofy as Snow White? Disney Shocks the World!
Movie News

Hollywood Buzz: Goofy Replaces Rachel Zegler in Snow White!😱

FinnMarch 14, 2025March 14, 2025

🎬 A scandal has erupted in Hollywood! Disney, panicking over the disastrous ticket sales for their new “Snow White” movie,…

In Effort To Boost Ticket Sales, Disney Edits Rachel Zegler Out Of ‘Snow White’
Babylon Bee

In Effort To Boost Ticket Sales, Disney Edits Rachel Zegler Out Of ‘Snow White’

FinnMarch 13, 2025

BURBANK, CA — In an effort to boost ticket sales for what it suspected could be a disappointing opening, Disney…

Theologians Agree That Antichrist Will Most Likely Be A Podcaster
Babylon Bee

Theologians Agree That Antichrist Will Most Likely Be A Podcaster

FinnMarch 13, 2025

CHICAGO, IL — Following extensive study, a group of prominent theologians agreed that the Antichrist would most likely be a…

The Onion

CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates

FinnMarch 13, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates appeared first…

Track & Field Runner Accidentally Trips, Punches, Attacks Rival With A Sword
Babylon Bee

Track & Field Runner Accidentally Trips, Punches, Attacks Rival With A Sword

FinnMarch 13, 2025

LYNCHBURG, VA — This week’s championship 4×200-meter relay event ended in disaster when a runner accidentally, tripped, punched, and attacked…

The Onion

Trump Announces New Visa Tier For Immigrants Who Will Be Friends With Barron

FinnMarch 13, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Extending an offer to immigrants hoping to relocate to the United States, President Donald Trump unveiled a new…

Man Leading Bible Study Taken Up Into Heaven After Dropping Greek Word
Babylon Bee

Man Leading Bible Study Taken Up Into Heaven After Dropping Greek Word

FinnMarch 13, 2025

BLUE SPRINGS, MO — Members of a church small group were witness to a miraculous event this week, as a…

Man Rents Steamroller To Squeeze One Last Usable Amount Of Toothpaste From Tube
Babylon Bee

Man Rents Steamroller To Squeeze One Last Usable Amount Of Toothpaste From Tube

FinnMarch 13, 2025

SEWARD, NE — A local man set an impressive new standard for frugality this week by renting a professional-grade steamroller…

The Onion

Feds Uncover Terabytes Of Free Speech During Raid Of Protestor’s Residence

FinnMarch 13, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Following a daring operation that saw authorities seize the man’s property and detain him in an undisclosed location,…

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