JD Vance Sweetens Deal By Offering Statue Of Liberty To Greenland
GREENLAND — In a bid to sweeten the offer of becoming an American territory, Vice President JD Vance has offered…
Month: March 2025
🤔 The Legendary Half-Life 3 Is Finally Here, But There’s a Catch… 🤯
The Jackal.Today editorial team sniffed around through our secret channels (yes, we have people even in Valve’s basement, where Gabe…
Kid Outed As Homeschooler After Looking Adult In The Eyes While Talking
PLANO, TX — Local seven-year-old Benjamin Gunther was outed as a homeschooler after he looked an adult directly in the…
Lego Introduces ‘California Home’ Set Where Kids Fill Out Permit And Wait 2 Years For Approval
LEGOLAND, CA — Representatives from LEGO gathered at Legoland in San Diego to unveil a new series of building sets…
Man Holds Off On Reading Bible So As Not To Ruin Suspense Of ‘Passion Of The Christ’ Sequel
RUIDOSO, NM — Local man Pete Blanton has decided to refrain from reading the Bible so as not to dampen…
Greenland Furiously Making Snowballs In Preparation For American Military Invasion
NUUK — Vice President JD Vance was met with a cold reception early Friday when he arrived in Greenland to…
Gen Z, Millennials Prefer Influencer Content Over Premium Entertainment
Read MoreThe OnionA new Deloitte study found that about 50% of younger consumers prefer watching creator-driven content on social media…
Cardinals Weirded Out By How Religious Brush With Death Made Pope
Read MoreThe OnionVATICAN CITY—Saying the pontiff’s abrupt change in personality had put them all on edge, cardinals of the Roman…
Manufacturer Recalls Faulty Shopping Carts With 4 Functioning Wheels
U.S. — Kart Rite Manufacturing (KRM) issued a nationwide recall this week following the discovery of a grocery store shopping…
Hollywood Calls It Quits After Realizing It Will Never Top ‘Smokey And The Bandit’
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Movie production has officially ceased, ending the dreams of aspiring actors and screenwriters everywhere, as all Hollywood…