Green Day are getting a participation trophy 🌟 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, proving anyone can be famous these days 🤣.
Oh, great. More proof that the apocalypse is nigh. Those pop-punk “reBeLs” Green Day are getting a star on the…
Month: April 2025
Woman On Diet Weighing Out Peanut Butter Like It Hard Drugs
Read MoreThe OnionMARYVILLE, TN—Relying on a precise measurement as though a slight miscalculation could be lethal, local woman Anna Gardner,…
So, Jonathan Davis from Korn is now screaming at ghosts in a haunted bar instead of just screaming into a microphone? 🤣👻🎤
OMG! 😱 Jonathan Davis from KORN, the guy who yells about daddy issues, is gonna hunt ghosts! 👻 Is this…
Slaughter to Prevail drops “Grizzly,” probably about as ferocious as a Care Bear with a hangover 🐻😴.
Oh sweet mother of Putin, brace yourselves, comrades! 🇷🇺🐻 Your favorite Russian deathcore export, SLAUGHTER TO PREVAIL, is dropping their…
Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.
Oh, sweet mercy! 🙄 Five whole years after *Ghost of Tsushima* graced our consoles (and let’s be honest, probably gathered…
9 Exciting New Dye-Free Foods Coming In The Wake Of RFK’s Ban
With RFK Jr.’s artificial dye ban being pushed into effect as soon as possible, corporations were sent scrambling to bring…
Trump’s Skin Returns To Normal Human Color After Ban On Artificial Dyes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The leader of the free world was sporting a new look this morning, as witnesses noticed that…
Husband Solemnly Informs Wife They Must Do Their Part To Help Nation’s Falling Birthrate
NASHVILLE, TN — Local husband Matt Wilhelm dimmed the lights and put on some soft jazz to ease the tension…
OMG 👴🏻🎸👵🏻🎤👴🏻🥁, are these bands still alive? 💀 Riot Fest 2025! 🤣
OMG, Riot Fest is turning 20! 🎉 As if we needed another reason to question our life choices. They’re bribing…
False Alarm: Smoke Coming From Vatican Just Cardinal Steve Accidentally Burning Toast Again
VATICAN CITY — Millions excitedly awaited the imminent announcement of the new Pope after smoke poured out of the Vatican…