Paternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Paternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Month: April 2025
Report: Wife Hasn’t Been Home In Few Days
Read MoreThe OnionMEDINA, OH—Speculating that the situation could be worth looking into at some point down the line, a report…
Donkey Entering Jerusalem Glad To Be Finally Getting Recognition He Deserves
JERUSALEM — As crowds waved palm branches and laid down their cloaks for him to walk on, a local donkey…
🦹♂️ White House Ordered Bigger Male Butts in Marvel Rivals — “Make Sexualization Great Again!” 🍑🇺🇸
Season 2 of Marvel Rivals has brought a lot to the table — new characters like Emma Frost in her…
Life Hack: Get Real Starbucks Taste At Home By Dumping Hot Water Over Cigarette Ashes
Ever wished you could recreate that signature Starbucks coffee taste at home? You can! It’s easy, inexpensive, and best of…
7 Surprising Findings From Trump’s Physical
President Trump completed his annual physical at Walter Reed yesterday, earning a clean bill of health — but with a…
Apple Warns China Tariffs Could Negatively Impact Child Slave Employment Opportunities
CUPERTINO, CA — Apple CEO Tim Cook warned today that heavy tariffs on Chinese imports could have a severe negative…
9 Things More Exciting Than Watching Golf
Thousands of people have gathered in Augusta, Georgia, this weekend to watch the Masters Tournament, with millions more set to…
Get A Load Of This White-Knighting SIMP Saving A Princess From A Dragon
Get a load of this idiot white-knight SIMP trying to save a princess from a dragon. What a beta male!…
Texas Bans Sale Of Assault Rifles With Capacity Of Less Than 30 Rounds
AUSTIN, TX — In a landmark move for the state, the Texas legislature overwhelmingly passed a bill to ban the…