Ozempic User Explains How Weight Loss Changed The Way People Slapped Her Belly
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Ozempic User Explains How Weight Loss Changed The Way People Slapped Her Belly appeared first on…
Month: April 2025
Researchers Taste Miso Fermented In Space
Read MoreThe OnionScientists recently had the opportunity to taste a batch of “space miso” fermented for 30 days aboard the…
‘Man, People Are Going To LOVE Reading This One,’ Says Moses While Writing Leviticus
MOUNT SINAI — Hot off the success of Genesis and Exodus, Moses expressed confidence that everyone would love his follow-up…
China Trade War Update: Trump Classifies Panda Express As Domestic Terror Organization
U.S. — Following dueling tariff increases heading into the weekend, no end to the trade war between China and the…
🎤🍊 Pulp and Florida Juice: What Do Britpop Legends and Citrus Have in Common?
Britpop legends Pulp are making a comeback with their first album in 24 years — and it’s all thanks to…
Hush Falls Over Crowd After Bagel Tears ACL In Jumbotron Race
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Thousands of horrified Bulls fans reportedly gasped and shuddered Tuesday when a cartoon bagel tore his ACL in…
Sarah Miller
Read MoreThe OnionSarah Miller, 47, died happy when her claim that her son’s erratic driving was “going to get [them]…
Man Can’t Wait For America To Finally Be Great Again So He Can Stop Wearing Itchy Trucker Hat
TUSTIN, CA — Louis Silverton, a longtime supporter of President Trump, says he can’t wait for America to finally be…
🍿 Popcorn, Tears, and Circle Pits: What Happened at the Minecraft Movie Screening in West Virginia?
In West Virginia, a screening of “A Minecraft Movie” turned into a chaotic scene more reminiscent of a metal concert…
U.S. Imposes Tariffs On Remote Island Of Penguins And Seals
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Commerce Secretary defended the country’s decision to impose tariffs on Heard and McDonald Islands, an uninhabited…