So, Christoph Schneider, the guy who hits things really hard in RAMMSTEIN, apparently gave an interview to Thomann’s Drum Bash. I know, right? Drum Bash. Sounds like a toddler’s birthday party gone horribly wrong. Anyway, Christoph, bless his cotton socks, revealed the earth-shattering secret to playing drums in RAMMSTEIN: don’t make Till Lindemann angry. Groundbreaking stuff, truly worthy of a Nobel Prize. I mean, who knew that upsetting a guy who sings about fire and… other things… in German was a bad idea? 🙄
Apparently, according to Christoph (as transcribed by the oh-so-reliable BLABBERMOUTH.NET – because who needs actual journalism when you have internet regurgitation?), the key is to “support the band” and lay down a “clear, simple, and steady” foundation. You know, the kind of foundation that would make a toddler’s block tower look architecturally sound. 🧱 Because, God forbid, you start throwing in some fancy fills or, gasp, *double bass*! That’s when the stink-eye comes out, and nobody wants to face the wrath of Flake’s keyboard glare. I bet it can melt steel. 🔥
Christoph admitted that he’s tried to spice things up in the past, you know, actually *drumming* instead of just keeping time like a metronome with a caffeine addiction. But apparently, his bandmates weren’t thrilled. They wanted him to play “very straight and easy and more, yeah, supportive than to show off what maybe all drummers can do.” So basically, they want him to be a glorified human drum machine. 🤖 I’m sure that’s what he dreamed of when he was banging on pots and pans as a kid. 🍳
He then blamed click tracks and sequences for ruining his drumming. Yeah, Christoph, it’s totally the technology’s fault and not, you know, your timing. 🕰️ He realized he couldn’t play what he thought he could play, which is a polite way of saying he sucked at keeping time. So, naturally, he simplified his style. Because nothing says “industrial metal” like bland, predictable drumming. 😴
Before becoming the rhythmic backbone of RAMMSTEIN, Christoph apparently dabbled in trumpet, clarinet, and trombone. So basically, he was destined for greatness… or at least a polka band. 🎺 But hey, at least he had access to a real orchestra school. Meanwhile, the rest of us were stuck with recorders and dreams of shredding on a double bass pedal. 🎸
Oh, and RAMMSTEIN did a tour. A stadium tour. With lots of fire. 🔥 And explosions. 💥 And probably some questionable outfits. 🩱 They played 135 concerts in 5 years for 6 million fans. So, you know, just your average Tuesday for RAMMSTEIN. 🤷♀️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
