Kojima, the absolute madlad, has done it again! They’re releasing a *Death Stranding 2: On the Beach* limited-edition DualSense controller! Because, you know, what better way to experience the existential dread of delivering packages across a desolate wasteland than with a *specially themed* plastic brick? 🙄 I mean, who *wouldn’t* want to shell out extra cash for a controller that probably just has some orange splotches on it? Genius! Pure, unadulterated genius!
Kojima Productions, bless their cotton socks (probably branded, limited-edition socks, knowing them), are at it again. Remember that *totally necessary* limited-edition PS4 Pro for the first *Death Stranding*? Yeah, well, they’re doubling down on the crazy! The PlayStation Blog (aka the hype machine) has officially announced this… *thing*. I’m sure it’s going to be revolutionary! Just like the game that’s probably going to be 80% walking and 20% cutscenes featuring Norman Reedus looking confused. 🚶♂️🎬
Behold! The glorious controller! Feast your eyes upon its… *unique* design. I’m pretty sure I saw a similar color scheme on a construction cone once. But hey, at least it has the “insignia and motto of Drawbridge in vibrant orange!” Because nothing screams “immersive gaming experience” like a corporate logo plastered on your controller. 🧑💼💲 Seriously, who comes up with this stuff? Are they just throwing darts at a board covered in marketing buzzwords?
And the price? A mere $84.99! Only ten bucks more than a regular DualSense! What a steal! You’re basically paying for the privilege of owning a piece of Kojima-branded plastic that will probably collect dust in your drawer after a week. But hey, at least you can brag about it on the internet! #DeathStranding2 #LimitedEdition #KojimaIsAGod #PleaseValidateMyPurchase 😇
But wait, there’s MORE! For the truly devoted (read: easily manipulated) fans, there’s a *Collector’s Edition* of the game! No console this time, thank goodness, but plenty of other goodies to drain your bank account. Look at all that… stuff! A keychain? A pin? A digital soundtrack you’ll probably never listen to? I’m hyperventilating with excitement! 😫💸
Pre-orders for this masterpiece of consumerism open on May 22, 2025, at 10:00 a.m. EST. Mark your calendars, people! Set your alarms! Prepare to fight tooth and nail to secure your very own piece of limited-edition plastic! Because nothing says “I’m a true gamer” like spending exorbitant amounts of money on things you don’t need! 🏆🎮
So, there you have it. *Death Stranding 2: On the Beach* and its accompanying limited-edition controller will be gracing us with their presence on June 26th. Get ready to preorder, get ready to spend, and get ready to question your life choices. Because that’s what Kojima does best, right? Make you walk, make you think, and make you wonder why you just spent all your money on a fancy controller. 🤔😵💫
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
