So, apparently, Hollywood hasn’t run out of ideas yet! They’re digging up the ‘Evil Dead’ franchise again, because, let’s face it, nothing says originality like resurrecting a bunch of deadites for the umpteenth time. 🙄 Prepare yourselves for ‘Evil Dead Burn,’ because, you know, ‘Evil Dead Rise’ wasn’t enough to make us all scream into our popcorn buckets.
Oh joy, more ‘Evil Dead’! As if we needed another excuse to hide behind the couch. 🛋️ Warner Bros., New Line, and the geriatric dream team of Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert (who are probably powered by Necronomicon pages at this point) have decided that ‘Evil Dead Rise’ wasn’t just a fluke, but a sign that the world *desperately* needs more chainsaw-wielding mayhem. Because, you know, subtlety is for losers. 🪚
‘Evil Dead Rise,’ which was apparently supposed to be a Max exclusive (because nothing says “prestige” like streaming-only horror), somehow clawed its way into theaters and made a boatload of cash. So, naturally, the suits are salivating for more. 🤑
Now, they’ve dragged in French director Sébastien Vaniček, fresh off his spider-themed masterpiece ‘Vermine’ (or ‘Infested,’ if you’re allergic to fancy French titles), to helm this new chapter of undead shenanigans. Casting news? Nah, who cares about actors when you’ve got buckets of blood and a script that probably reads like a rejected pizza order? 🍕
Wait, hold on… they actually *did* cast someone! Souheila Yacoub, who apparently survived ‘Dune: Part Two’ (a fate worse than any deadite, tbh), is going to be our new victim… I mean, *hero*. Vaniček gushes about her “rare physicality and emotional intensity.” Translation: she can scream really loud and run fast in heels. 👠
And the title? ‘Evil Dead Burn.’ Groundbreaking. Truly Shakespearean. 🎭 I’m picturing a lot of fire. Maybe a barbecue gone horribly wrong? 🔥🌭
But wait, there’s MORE! Apparently, there’s *another* ‘Evil Dead’ movie in development by some guy who made a movie about a gas station. Because one isn’t enough to oversaturate the market. ⛽
Vaniček, bless his heart, thinks the ‘Evil Dead’ franchise is a “creative playground.” I think it’s a graveyard of tired tropes, but hey, what do I know? 🤷♀️
He also wants to craft a “powerful, singular – almost personal – story.” Good luck with that when you’re dealing with possessed trees and dismembered limbs. 🌳
And, of course, he promises a “visceral, sensory experience that punches the audience in the gut.” Translation: you’ll probably throw up your popcorn. 🤮
Yacoub, apparently a former gymnast, sounds like she’s in for a world of pain. Maybe Bruce Campbell can give her some tips on how to survive a chainsaw attack with your sanity intact. 🧠
So, mark your calendars for July 24th, 2026, when ‘Evil Dead Burn’ will grace the silver screen. Prepare for jump scares, gallons of fake blood, and the existential dread that comes with realizing Hollywood is officially out of ideas. 💀
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
