OMG, Digital Extremes just dropped the mic…or maybe a poorly optimized update, who knows? 🤷♀️ At PAX East, they unveiled *Isleweaver*, the next chapter in *Warframe* after that whole *1999* thing everyone pretends to understand. And guess what, Tenno-noobs? It’s coming SOON! Like, “we promise we won’t delay it again” soon. 😂
So, remember Höllvania, that place you spent 700 hours grinding for one mod? Yeah, forget about it. We’re going back to Duviri! Because, apparently, one open-world timesink wasn’t enough. After enduring *1999* (congrats, you survived!), you get to dive into the *Isleweaver* questline. But hold on, there’s a twist! Major Neci Rusalka, that villain you probably forgot existed, has somehow become the new Dominus Thrax. 👑 I know, right? The writing in this game is Shakespearean. Apparently, she’s super salty about losing Höllvania (boo hoo, get over it) and wants to steal Duviri from us. Because…reasons? 🤔
And because Digital Extremes loves making us grind, there’s a new Clan Operation called Eight Claw! 🎉 It’s a time-limited event (because FOMO is their favorite marketing strategy), but the node will stick around. So, you can keep grinding even after the event ends! The rewards? New cosmetics (because fashionframe is the true endgame), a “secret weapon” (probably another glorified pea-shooter), and farmable pathos clamps. Yay… Pathos clamps are obtainable through the event vendor Thrax, who is accessible from the Dormizone.
But wait, there’s more! 🎁 For all you poor souls still struggling to understand the main questline (we’ve all been there), DE is “reworking” the “Golden Path.” They promise it will be more “welcoming” for new players. Translation: they’re streamlining the tutorial so you can get addicted faster. Don’t worry, they’re not removing content! They’re just…hiding it better. 😉 And the Railjack onboarding experience? They’re making it less likely you’ll get instantly obliterated. Progress! 🥳
*Isleweaver* is dropping in June, bringing with it the 61st Warframe: Oraxia, the spider frame! 🕷️ Finally, the community gets what they wanted. Because, let’s be honest, we didn’t have enough edgy, vaguely unsettling characters already. Apparently, Oraxia is mad because she’s been alone in Duviri for too long. So, she can’t tell friend from foe. Perfect! More friendly fire incidents incoming! She has a whip (because whips are cool, duh), and her powers involve trapping enemies in webs, stealing their health, summoning minions (because why not?), and climbing walls! 🧗♀️
(According to Rebecca Ford, Creative Director, you might be able to climb on walls during one of her moves. “If everything goes to plan, which it might not.” So, yeah, don’t get your hopes up. 🤣)
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
