Breaking News! Former ICED EARTH throat-warbler Stu Block, the guy who left faster than Jon Schaffer could say “QAnon,” apparently has opinions. 😱 Sources say he *hopes* Matt Barlow, yes, THAT Matt Barlow, rejoins ICED EARTH if, and this is a BIG if, Jon “Capitol Riot Tourist” Schaffer decides to dust off the ol’ confederate flag and get the band back together. We’re on the edge of our seats, folks! 🍿 Will this dumpster fire of a reunion actually happen? Only time (and Jon’s probation officer) will tell! 🤣
So, get this, Barlow, who’s been in and out of ICED EARTH more times than I’ve changed my socks (and I haven’t changed them in a week 🧦), was asked about a potential return. His response? A masterclass in fence-sitting. He basically said, “It’s up to Jon, maybe, possibly, if the stars align and hell freezes over. But also, maybe not.” Riveting stuff, truly. I’m sure the suspense is killing you. 💀
Apparently, after BLABBERMOUTH.NET (who else?) published an article about Barlow’s non-committal stance, Stu Block, bless his heart, felt the need to chime in on Facebook. He posted, and I quote, “I hope he does! He is amazing, a fan favorite and a great human. It just works on so many levels.” Oh, Stu, you sweet summer child. You think anything “works” with the current state of ICED EARTH? Get real. 🙄 It’s like hoping your ex-wife and your parole officer become best friends. Good luck with that.
Let’s not forget the elephant in the room, shall we? Jon Schaffer, the mastermind behind ICED EARTH, is currently on probation for his little “sightseeing tour” of the Capitol building. 🏛️ He even got the Trump pardon express, which is basically the metalhead equivalent of winning the lottery. 💰
And get this, in a recent interview, Jon said that his legal troubles were “the biggest gift” of his life because they led him “to [Jesus] Christ.” 🙏 I guess storming the Capitol is just God’s way of giving you a spiritual makeover? Who knew! 😇
Stu Block, ever the diplomat, admitted that Jon “fucked up real bad” with the whole Capitol thing. You think, Stu? You think maybe participating in an insurrection is a slight career misstep? 🤔
Stu also said he doesn’t “hate” Jon. How touching! It’s like saying you don’t hate the guy who keyed your car… after he burned down your house. 🔥
Meanwhile, everyone and their grandma distanced themselves from Jon after the riot. Blind Guardian’s Hansi Kürsch bailed on DEMONS & WIZARDS faster than you can say “January 6th.” Even Century Media, ICED EARTH’s longtime label, pretended they didn’t know who Jon was. 🙈
But wait, there’s more! Matt Barlow and fellow former ICED EARTH member Freddie Vidales are going on tour to celebrate the 30th anniversary of “The Dark Saga.” Because nothing says “tribute” like celebrating an album written by a guy who’s currently persona non grata. 🤷♀️ They even got Jon’s “blessing” to do so. I’m sure he’s thrilled to get those sweet, sweet royalties while sitting at home. 💸
Barlow, who moonlights as a police lieutenant, says his day job limits his touring.👮♂️ So, basically, he’s fighting crime by day and singing about Spawn by night. Talk about a midlife crisis! 🦸♂️
When asked about celebrating “The Dark Saga” after Jon’s legal troubles, Matt said, “We don’t live in a tube of silence here. We get stuff. But I think for me, and I think for people that are fans of the music, they don’t care about that. I think at the end of the day, it’s the music.” Ah yes, the classic “separate the art from the artist” argument. It’s like saying you can still enjoy Wagner even though he was a raging anti-Semite. 🎶
So, there you have it, folks. The ICED EARTH saga continues. Will Jon Schaffer resurrect the band? Will Matt Barlow rejoin the fold? Will Stu Block ever find a decent band to sing for? Stay tuned to BLABBERMOUTH.NET for more updates on this train wreck of a band. 🚂💥
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
