Alright, metalheads and drama queens, gather ’round! 🤘 Because after a Kickstarter campaign that somehow tricked fans into donating over $95,000 (seriously, who falls for this stuff? 😂), VIMIC is reuniting to milk Joey Jordison’s legacy for all it’s worth. They’re releasing the “Open Your Omen” album, which was apparently lost in the abyss of forgotten projects.
So, get this: the surviving members (because let’s face it, that’s the only way this reunion is happening 🤷♂️) are playing a gig in Los Angeles on October 3 at the Teragram Ballroom. It’s presented by the “Joey Jordison Charitable Fund,” which sounds legit, but probably just means they’ll donate like, five bucks to charity after lining their own pockets. 💰
But wait, there’s more! Wednesday 13 (remember him? Yeah, me neither 🙄) is opening, because apparently scraping the bottom of the barrel is the new black. And of course, there will be “exclusive event merchandise” because nothing says “we miss Joey” like overpriced t-shirts and keychains. 🤮 Tickets go on sale Friday, June 6, so you can waste your money supporting this cash grab. 💸
The Kickstarter funds are supposedly being used to release “Open Your Omen” on CD/double LP (because who even owns a CD player anymore? 💿), market the album (good luck with that! 🤣), print merch that Joey designed years ago (probably just some doodles on a napkin ✍️), and produce this oh-so-special reunion event. The proceeds from the event will go to the Joey Jordison Charitable Fund’s partnership with Broken Strings, a non-profit in Iowa that gives guitars to kids. Aww, how touching… until you realize it’s just a PR stunt. 🎻
After Joey got the boot from SLIPKNOT (the only reason anyone knows who he is, let’s be real 💯) back in 2013, he dabbled in various projects, including SCAR THE MARTYR, which predictably flopped. Some of those guys then formed VIMIC, because why not? More bands, more drama, more opportunities to disappoint fans. 🙄
VIMIC’s initial lineup included Joey on drums, Kalen Chase on vocals (who?), Jed Simon and Kris Norris on guitars (who and who?), Kyle Konkiel on bass (you guessed it, who?), and Matthew Tarach on keyboards (okay, I’m starting to think they just pulled names out of a hat 🎩). They released their first single, “Simple Skeletons,” which got “high praise” from Loudwire, New Noise, BLABBERMOUTH.NET, and NME. Translation: a few bloggers needed content for their websites. 💻
They then released three more singles that no one remembers, including “Fail Me (My Temple),” which featured Dave Mustaine. Because apparently, even Mustaine has moments of questionable judgment. 🤔
Mustaine actually said, “This album wails!” (said no one ever). He also claimed that VIMIC was “incredible” and that they had “high-octane drumming and heavy, melodic songs.” Sure, Dave, whatever you say. 🙄
“Open Your Omen” was supposed to be released in 2018, but then life happened. Kato Khandwala died in a motorcycle accident (RIP 🙏), and Joey, Konkiel, and Simon all went on to other projects. Then, Joey sadly passed away in 2021 (RIP again 😔), further delaying the album. Because what’s a good metal story without a little tragedy? 💀
Joey once said that “Open Your Omen” was written like a garage band’s demo tape. Which probably means it sounds like a bunch of dudes jamming in someone’s basement. 🏠 He also claimed that the album saved him and helped him relearn how to walk and play drums. Talk about hyperbole! 🙄
Kalen Chase, the forgotten frontman of VIMIC, said that there were “a lot of issues with our business” and that it “just never worked out with the time.” Translation: they couldn’t get their act together. He also said that he hopes the record comes out one day, but that it’s “out of my hands.” In other words, don’t hold your breath. 💨
Despite VIMIC’s premature demise, Kalen said he had “fond memories” of his time with the band. He loved being the frontman and playing in South America. Aww, how sweet. 🥰
Oh, and apparently Kalen was also in KORN for a while, playing an “exotic array of instruments.” Because that’s totally relevant to this VIMIC reunion. 🙄
So, there you have it. The saga of VIMIC, a band that no one remembers, is being resurrected for one last cash grab. Go buy your tickets now and support this blatant attempt to exploit Joey Jordison’s legacy. You know you want to. 😉
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
