In a shocking turn of events that nobody saw coming (except maybe Harvey himself), Harvey Weinstein’s lawyer, probably paid in something other than actual money, has the audacity to suggest that the bevy of brave women who came forward to accuse the former movie mogul of heinous crimes *might* have, *gasp*, embellished their stories. Yes, folks, you heard it here first: apparently, these women weren’t assaulted; they just didn’t get the starring role they thought they deserved! 🎭🎬 Cue the tiny violin.🎻
So, let’s dive into this dumpster fire 🔥 of a defense, shall we? According to the legal eagle 🦅 (more like a vulture, am I right?), Arthur Aidala, these women are just bitter. They had consensual encounters with Harvey (because, you know, who wouldn’t want that? 🤢), and when those encounters didn’t magically transform them into the next Meryl Streep, they decided to, like, totally ruin a dude’s life. Talk about being dramatic! 🙄
Aidala, in his closing argument that probably involved more hand-waving than actual evidence, walked the jury through what he called “inconsistencies” in the women’s testimony. Inconsistencies! As if trauma victims are known for their flawless recollection of events. 🤔 It’s almost like the defense is banking on the jury being completely devoid of empathy and common sense. 🧠➡️🗑️
And let’s not forget about poor, frail Harvey, wheelchair-bound and looking like he hasn’t seen sunlight since the Clinton administration. 🧛♂️ He’s practically a saint, being dragged through this whole ordeal! (Said no one ever.) He’s accused of raping Jessica Mann and assaulting other women, but hey, who hasn’t made a few mistakes, right? Especially when you’re a powerful Hollywood kingmaker with a penchant for luring women into private settings under the guise of career advancement. It’s basically the Hollywood version of “Netflix and chill.” 🎬🛏️
“They are lying about what happened,” Aidala declared, with the conviction of a toddler insisting they didn’t eat the cookies. 🍪 “Not about everything, but about a small slice – just enough to turn their regret, their buyers’ remorse, into criminality.” Buyers’ remorse? As if these women willingly purchased a one-way ticket to Trauma Town! 🎟️➡️🤕
But fear not, dear readers, because Harvey is “an innocent man” until proven guilty. You know, just like every other alleged rapist. The presumption of innocence is a beautiful thing, unless you’re one of the dozens of women who have accused this guy of heinous acts. Then it’s just a convenient legal loophole. ⚖️
Of course, even if Harvey manages to wiggle his way out of this retrial, he’s still facing a 16-year prison sentence in California. So, at least there’s that. Silver linings, people! 🌈
And let’s not forget the #MeToo movement, which apparently inconvenienced Harvey’s lifestyle. It encouraged women to come forward with their stories of sexual misconduct, which is just, like, so unfair to powerful men who want to abuse their power without consequences. 😭
In conclusion, this whole trial is a circus 🎪, and Harvey Weinstein is the ringleader. But hey, at least we get to watch the show from the comfort of our own homes, armed with popcorn 🍿 and a healthy dose of cynicism. Because in the world of Hollywood justice, anything is possible. Even a guilty verdict! (Fingers crossed! 🤞)
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
