Oh, sweet gamers, gather ’round and let me tell you about the most groundbreaking, revolutionary, totally-not-like-every-other-game-ever announcement of Summer Game Fest 2025: The Outer Worlds 2! 🎉 Yes, Obsidian, bless their cotton socks, decided to grace us with a sequel to a game that, let’s be honest, everyone kinda forgot about. But hey, more space capitalism, right? 🚀💰
It’s been a rollercoaster of hype, hasn’t it? We’ve seen *Grounded 2* (because who asked for that?), *Ninja Gaiden IV* (somebody still remembers that franchise?), and *Call of Duty: Black Ops 7* (because we definitely needed another one). But fear not, because Obsidian swooped in after the Xbox Games Showcase 2025 to show off *The Outer Worlds 2* Direct. Did anyone actually watch it? Probably just the interns forced to write articles like this. 🙄
Here’s the trailer, if you’re into that sort of thing. Don’t expect any actual gameplay, though. It’s all about the vibes, man. 😌
One of the most “interesting” things (read: desperate attempts to differentiate itself) about *The Outer Worlds 2* is that it’s leaving the Halycon star system. Because, you know, space is small and we can’t possibly reuse assets. 🙄 Now we’re going to the Arcadia star cluster, which is apparently even further from Earth. So far that no one will care. The direct made it clear that Obsidian is doubling down on “humor” and “storytelling.” Translation: expect more quirky dialogue and choices that ultimately don’t matter. Chaos will ensue everywhere, because that’s what happens when you let writers who peaked in college write a video game. 🤪 Arcadia is a lawless system, torn apart by space-time rifts. Because why not? Space-time rifts are always a good idea, right? And there are three power-hungry factions at war for control. Because that’s never been done before. 🙄
Like *The Outer Worlds* (and every other RPG ever made), *The Outer Worlds 2* lets you create your character from head to toe. Get ready to spend three hours tweaking your cheekbones only to cover your face with a helmet for the entire game! 🤡 You’re an Earth Directorate agent sent in to fix things, but how you do it is “entirely up to you.” Obsidian promises that your traits, flaws, and backgrounds will “shape every decision.” Sure, Jan. We all know it’ll boil down to choosing between two slightly different shades of grey. 🤷♀️
The three warring factions are:
The Protectorate: They believe order = everything. Because who needs freedom when you have bureaucracy? 📜
Auntie’s Choice: They’re aligned with Auntie Cleo (from the *Secret Level* series). Expect lots of Auntie Cleo product placement. Because nothing says immersion like a corporate shill. 🤑
The Order of the Ascendant: A science-based faction trying to perfect humanity. Because science always works out perfectly, right? 🧪
In *The Outer Worlds 2*, you’ll travel with six companions. Obsidian has “built upon the system considerably.” Translation: they added more dialogue options. These companions have their own stakes in the colony’s future and their own opinions on your behavior. Which means they’ll probably all hate you no matter what you do. 😂
Here’s a list of the companions (courtesy of Obsidian’s marketing department):
Niles: An Earth Directorate recruit torn between duty and defection. Because every space adventure needs a brooding guy with a troubled past. 🌑
Inez: A former experiment from Auntie’s Choice with a grafted combat edge. Because who doesn’t love a character with a tragic backstory and a cool cybernetic arm? 💪
Aza: A chaos-loving Rift worshipper with a taste for violence. Because every game needs a crazy chick who’s into weird stuff. 😈
Marisol: A stoic killer from the Order of the Ascendant. Because we haven’t had enough emotionless assassins in video games. 🥷
Tristen: A walking tank and judge from the Protectorate. Because justice is best served with a side of heavy armor. ⚖️
Valerie: A floating, chirping support unit with unexpected upgrades. Because every team needs a cute robot sidekick. 🤖
If you pre-purchase, you get the Commander Zane Pack! 📦 It comes with Commander Zane-themed armor, a helmet, a signature pistol and dagger, and an Earth Directorate drone companion pet. Because nothing says “I’m a serious gamer” like dressing up as a generic space soldier. 🤡 Cross-play is enabled if you buy the game from Battle.net or the Xbox Marketplace. Because everyone totally uses those platforms, right? 🙄
*The Outer Worlds 2* launches October 29, 2025, and you can pre-purchase it today for the low, low price of $79.99! 💸 Because who needs food when you can have a video game? 🎮 So go ahead, throw your money at Obsidian and get ready to be mildly entertained for a few hours before forgetting about it completely. 😉
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
