OMG! 😱 Get ready to clutch your pearls, folks, because IN THIS MOMENT, those purveyors of… uh… *theatrical* rock (yeah, let’s go with that), have just announced their 2025 “Black Mass Tour”! 🖤🦇
Featuring such luminaries as DAYSEEKER (on select dates, because even THEY can only handle so much), THE FUNERAL PORTRAIT (who? 🤔) and DED (are they even still around? 💀), this 23-city extravaganza promises… well, something. It kicks off on Thursday, September 18 at the 1st Summit Arena in Johnstown, Pennsylvania (Johnstown, really? 🤷♀️), and then, like a confused bat, flits around the U.S. before finally collapsing in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania (again, Pennsylvania? Someone get them a map 🗺️) at the Wind Creek Events Center on Friday, October 24. And, because your ears haven’t suffered enough, IN THIS MOMENT is ALSO unleashing new “music” via Better Noise Music this summer. Prepare yourselves. 🙉
A special BLABBERMOUTH.NET presale (because, obviously, you NEED early access to THIS) begins on Wednesday, June 25 at 2:00 p.m. ET and ends on Thursday, June 26 at 10:00 p.m. local time. The super-secret password? “ITMBBM25” (so cryptic! 🤫). Use it to snag tickets before the… um… *throngs*… descend. General on-sale (for the rest of you) is Friday, June 27 at 10 a.m. local time. Good luck with that. 🤞
Here are the dates for the IN THIS MOMENT “Black Mass Tour,” in case you’re feeling particularly masochistic: 😈
Sep. 18 – Johnstown, PA – 1st Summit Arena (Where dreams go to die. 💀)
Sep. 20 – Johnson City, TN – Freedom Hall Civic Center# (Freedom from music, maybe?)
Sep. 21 – Louisville, KY – Louder Than Life Festival (Debatable.)
Sep. 23 – Dallas, TX – South Side Ballroom^ (South Side… of Hell?)
Sep. 24 – Houston, TX – Bayou Music Center (Sounds swampy. 🐸)
Sep. 25 – San Antonio, TX – Boeing Center at Tech Port (Prepare for takeoff… to snoozeville. 😴)
Sep. 27 – El Paso, TX – Speaking Rock Entertainment Center (I hope it’s speaking the truth about this tour.)
Sep. 28 – Albuquerque, NM – Revel^ (Revel in mediocrity!)
Oct. 01 – Los Angeles, CA – Hollywood Palladium (Oh, Hollywood… you’ll host anything.)
Oct. 02 – Las Vegas, NV – Pearl Concert Theater at Palms Casino Resort (Gamble your money away instead.)
Oct. 03 – Paso Robles, CA – Vina Robles Amphitheatre (Vina? Like wine? Maybe you’ll need some to get through this.)
Oct. 04 – Sacramento, CA – Aftershock Festival (Aftershock of disappointment?)
Oct. 07 – Garden City, ID – Revolution Concert House & Event Center^ (Revolution? More like evolution… backwards.)
Oct. 08 – Spokane, WA – The Podium (For… what, exactly?)
Oct. 10 – Idaho Falls, ID – Mountain America Center (Is that a euphemism?)
Oct. 11 – Casper, WY – Casper Events Center (Spooky.)
Oct. 12 – Colorado Springs, CO – Ford Amphitheater (Built Ford Tough… unlike this tour.)
Oct. 14 – Kansas City, MO – The Midland Theatre (Midland…ly boring.)
Oct. 16 – Waukee, IA – Vibrant Music Hall^ (Vibrant? Are we sure about that?)
Oct. 18 – Milwaukee, WI – Eagles Ballroom (Fly away! 🦅 Save yourselves!)
Oct. 21 – Atlanta, GA – Coca Cola Roxy (I’d rather drink a Coke.)
Oct. 23 – Greensboro, NC – Greensboro Special Events Center (Special…ly awful?)
Oct. 24 – Bethlehem, PA – Wind Creek Events Center (It’s over! Hallelujah!)
^ Without DAYSEEKER (bless their hearts 🙏)
# Without THE FUNERAL PORTRAIT (who are probably doing everyone a favor)
Since 2005, IN THIS MOMENT, led by “mother” Maria Brink, has apparently amassed a “diehard” fan base (who are probably deaf 🙉). Joined by Chris Howorth, Travis Johnson, Randy Weitzel, and Kent Diimmel, they’ve “quietly emerged” as one of the “most influential” bands of the 21st century (citation needed 🧐). Millions have “convened” at their “otherworldly” concerts (or maybe they just got lost 🤔).
They have a gold-selling album (“Blood”, 2012) and six gold and platinum singles (somehow 🤷♀️). They also have three Top 25 entries on the Billboard 200 (“Black Widow”, 2014; “Ritual”, 2017). “Ritual” “elevated them to new creative and critical peaks” (says who? 🤔). They’ve toured with DISTURBED and appeared at festivals (because who else would book them? 🤷♀️). Their seventh album, “Mother” (Roadrunner Records), was made with Kevin Churko (OZZY OSBOURNE, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH). “Ritual” hinted at bluesy sorcery, while “Mother” is an “unbreakable spell” (of boredom? 😴). The first single was “The In-Between” (between what and what?).
In 2022, they released “Blood 1983” (BMG), a reimagining of “Blood” (because once wasn’t enough?). In 2023, they released “Godmode” (BMG), with “The Purge”, a cover of Björk‘s “Army Of Me”, “Damaged” (featuring Spencer Charnas of ICE NINE KILLS), and “I Would Die For You” (from the “John Wick: Chapter 4” soundtrack). Someone call the paramedics. 🚑
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
