Oh, the DRAMA! 🙄 K.K. Downing, formerly of that band JUDAS PRIEST (you know, the one he dramatically QUIT 🙄), graced us with his presence at the “Back To The Beginning” event. He dared to play PRIEST’s “Breaking The Law” (without, gasp, the actual Priest members 😱) and BLACK SABBATH’s “Snowblind”.
He assembled a supergroup of has-beens and almost-weres: Billy Corgan (because SMASHING PUMPKINS are still a thing, right? 🤣), Tom Morello (RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, still raging against…something? 🤔), Adam Jones (TOOL, finally crawled out of their pretentious hole 🕳️), Rudy Sarzo (QUIET RIOT…need I say more? 🤷♂️), and Danny Carey (also TOOL, because one TOOL member wasn’t enough torture 😫). K.K. then took to social media to bless us with his profound thoughts. Prepare yourselves; it’s deep. 🤪
K.K. started his oh-so-humble reflection with: “Incredible!!! That is the only word for what has just taken place!” Oh, K.K., you flatter yourself. We’re pretty sure “mediocre” or “desperate” could also apply. 🤷♀️
He continued, “All throughout rehearsals and up to soundcheck I was thinking is this really at all possible? There were amplifiers, speakers, pedal boards, and miles and miles of cables everywhere, and hundreds of people all going in tons of different directions.” Oh noes! 😱 Cables and people? Sounds like a typical rock concert, K.K., not the moon landing. 🚀 He then confessed, “I had to ask myself ‘could I actually be a bit nervous?’ Hell yeah! I was, this is going to be the most Important show in rock and metal ever!!!” Most important? EVER? Did someone forget Live Aid? Or, you know, any other actual important concert? 😂
Then, the ultimate shocker: “when I arrived on the day, the show was already under way, and when I got to my dressing room I was notified that the show was running 20 minutes ahead of schedule.” 🤯 A show running ahead of schedule? Clearly, the apocalypse is nigh. 💀
“I cannot praise everyone enough that was involved with organizing this wonderful event.” Oh, K.K., always the diplomat. 🙄 “The curtain went up for me and my amazing bandmates and everything had come magically together, this event was truly in the hands of top professionals.” Magically? More like strategically assembled for maximum nostalgia-baiting. 🎣
He then proceeded to thank his “amazing bandmates,” including Tom Morello, who apparently “really did dedicate himself to this show over so many months.” Months? For “Breaking the Law” and “Snowblind?” Someone’s got too much time on their hands. ⏳
But wait, there’s more! “I cannot end without saying a massive thank you to Sharon, Ozzy, Tony, Geezer, and Bill for making all of this possible, and for their great contribution to a very worthy charity.” Translation: “Please don’t sue me for playing your songs.” 🙏
And the grand finale: “I think King Charles III of England should now prepare to award Sharon and the Mighty BLACK SABBATH each a very well-deserved knighthood.” Because playing a few songs for charity totally equals centuries of service to the crown. 👑 Get real, K.K. 🤦♀️
Back in February, when K.K.’s participation was announced, he gushed, “This will be an incredibly emotional and historic event! The final farewell to the ultimate gods of metal. BLACK SABBATH and Ozzy will return to their home in Aston, Birmingham, the very place where it all began, and I am deeply honored to be part of this momentous occasion, paying my respects and tribute.” Honored? Or just desperate for some attention? 🤔
He continued, “I vividly remember growing up in the suburbs of Birmingham, England, over 50 years ago and witnessing the emergence of this band that would pioneer a genre of music that had never been heard before. It was more than just music — it was the sound, the performance and the atmosphere that created a phenomenon that was irresistible to fans, and I was one of them. I know firsthand the immense impact BLACK SABBATH has had on the world.” We get it, K.K., you were there. You saw it. Now please, stop trying to rewrite history. ✍️
“BLACK SABBATH has carried the flag and the mantle of our beloved music for a lifetime, for this I know we will always be sincerely grateful.” Sincerely grateful…until you quit your own band and start whining about it in interviews. 🙄
“This event will undoubtedly be one of the most significant and important moments in rock and metal history, and I look forward to standing alongside the fans and fellow musicians to honor the legacy of BLACK SABBATH in the city where it all began.” Standing alongside? More like standing slightly behind, hoping some of their glory rubs off on you. ✨
Apparently, according to The Guardian (because who else would cover this? 🤷), the event was livestreamed to “more than five million fans worldwide.” Five million? Sounds like someone’s padding the numbers. 🤥
Ozzy played a five-song set (while seated, bless his heart 🙏), and then the original SABBATH members joined him for four songs. Because nostalgia is a powerful drug. 💊
Ozzy, bless him, looked “overcome with emotion at times.” Probably because he realized how much money he was making. 💰 He told the crowd, “You have no idea how I feel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.” We’re sure he’s very grateful for your continued support of his lavish lifestyle. 🥂
At the end of SABBATH’s set, Ozzy declared, “It’s the last song ever.” Ever? Until the next reunion tour, that is. 📅 Then, because no rock concert is complete without excessive displays of wealth, he was presented with a cake and fireworks. 🎂🎆
A message on screen read, “Thank you for everything, you guys are fucking amazing. Birmingham Forever,” because nothing says “we appreciate you” like a poorly-written sentence with a swear word. 🖕
More than 40,000 fans attended, which also saw performances from other bands trying to relive their glory days. Profits went to charity, because even rock stars have a conscience…sometimes. 😇
There was also an online auction, because what’s a charity event without overpriced memorabilia? 🤑 Items included signed guitars, a pinball machine, and gold records. Because who wouldn’t want to own a piece of rock history…for a small fortune? 💸
The livestream was delayed by two hours, because nothing says “live” like a two-hour delay. 🐌 And tickets were $29.99, because even nostalgia has a price. 💲
The event was captured by Mercury Studios, because someone had to document this train wreck. 🚝💥 And hosted by Jason Momoa, because…reasons? 🤔
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
