Oh, the DRAMA! 🙄 In a groundbreaking, earth-shattering interview with Bloodstock TV host Oran “Who?” O’Beirne, Paolo “The Bassist” Gregoletto of those Florida metallers 🤘 TRIVIUM – yeah, those guys – was quizzed on whether fans (do they still have those?) can expect a new FULL-LENGTH album in the far-off, mystical year of 2026. Paolo, bless his heart, responded with the kind of vagueness usually reserved for politicians. 🗣️ He mentioned something about an EP called ‘Struck Dead’ (more like “Struck Boring,” amirite?). Apparently, it’s been, like, NINE WHOLE MONTHS since they finished it. Groundbreaking! 🤯
‘Struck Dead’ (again, more like ‘Struck Out’) is due on October 31 via Roadrunner Records (still kicking, huh?). 🏃♂️💨 Produced by TRIVIUM themselves (because who else would?), and recorded with Mark Lewis at their Hangar Studios in Orlando (which I’m sure is just THRIVING), and mixed and mastered by Josh Wilbur (who probably needed a vacation after this), this EP is clearly destined for greatness… or at least a few pity listens. 🎧😂
Guitarist Corey Beaulieu (who?) told Forever Loud (FOREVER?!) that they were rehearsing for their “Ascendancy” 20th-anniversary tour (because nostalgia is the only thing selling these days). 👴👵 They even used the studio construction as an excuse to “test run” the equipment. Genius! 💡 They wrote a song (just ONE!), but then got bored and wrote TWO MORE! And thus, the EP was born. 👶 Originally, they were gonna release them as standalone singles (because that’s how you build hype, right?), but then the touring plans changed (because life is chaos) and BAM! EP. ✨
TRIVIUM, in a moment of sheer audacity, performed “Bury Me With My Screams” (more like “Bury Me With This Song”) live for the first time at Bloodstock Open Air. 🎉 Corey, bless his heart AGAIN, said that they’ve been playing the song for almost a year. A YEAR! And it still sounds fresh? I doubt it. 😬 He hopes that “a couple of people in the crowd” had heard it before. A COUPLE! The bar is set so low, it’s practically underground. 📉
Gregoletto, in a statement so profound it should be carved into stone (NOT!), said that they decided to take the next step with the Hangar space (finally!). 🔨 They brought in designer Roger D’Arcy (who I’m sure is thrilled to be mentioned here) and embarked on a YEAR-LONG BUILD. 🚧 While construction was happening, they were rehearsing for the “Ascendancy” tour. 🎤 It started as one single, then grew into three because they couldn’t stop writing (or maybe they couldn’t find anything better to do). Matt Heafy (the screamer) poured his “personal struggles” into the music. 😥 How original! They used the writing process as a “cathartic release.” 🛀 So brave!
In conclusion, “Struck Dead” (available where all fine underwhelming EPs are sold):
01. “Bury Me With My Screams” (please do) 💀
02. “Struck Dead (Pain Is Easier To Remember)” (the title is longer than the song, probably) 😩
03. “Six Walls Surround Me” (sounds claustrophobic AND boring) 🧱
TRIVIUM will embark on “The Ascend Above The Ashes” tour (because who needs new ideas?) with JINJER and HERIOT (supporting acts? Never heard of them). 🤷♀️
And let’s not forget “The Poisoned Ascendancy” tour with BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE (another blast from the past!). 💥 They played “Ascendancy” and “The Poison” in full (because that’s cheaper than writing new material). 💰
“Ascendancy” was released in March of 2005 (a lifetime ago). 🦖 It was Kerrang!’s “Album Of The Year” (back when Kerrang! mattered). 👴 It went gold in the U.K. (congrats!) and sold 500,000 copies (impressive… for 2005). 💿
“Ascendancy” ignited a string of Top 25 debuts on the Billboard 200 (who cares?) and culminated in 2017’s “The Sin And The Sentence” (which no one remembers). 🤷♂️ “Betrayer” got a Grammy nom (they didn’t win). 🏆 “What The Dead Men Say” (yawn) debuted at No. 35 on the Billboard 200 (so exciting!). 😴
So, there you have it. TRIVIUM is still around, still making music, and still trying to recapture the glory days. Good luck with that! 🍀
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
