OMG! 😱 You won’t BELIEVE what happened at the Guitar Summit in Mannheim, Germany! C.F. Martin & Co., those guys who’ve been making guitars since, like, forever, decided to team up with OPETH’s main dude, Mikael Åkerfeldt, to create the OM Mikael Åkerfeldt. Limited edition, of course, because who wants a guitar EVERYONE can have? Only 74 of these bad boys will be made, because apparently 1974 was, like, the BEST year ever. Born year? Who cares! Let’s make a guitar about it! 🤣
This guitar supposedly blends Martin‘s “renowned craftsmanship” (yeah, right) with features so “bold,” they’re practically screaming for attention. We’re talking a torrefied spruce top (torre-what-now?), a three-piece back of Guatemalan rosewood (fancy!), and an East Indian rosewood wedge (because why not?). Oh, and don’t forget the European flamed maple binding. Because subtlety is SO overrated. And for the first time ever, Martin decided to slap their Low Profile Velocity neck—designed for the SC models—on this thing. Apparently, it’s “ideal” for players who are used to electric guitars. Because acoustic players are too old fashioned! 👴
But wait, there’s more! Prepare for an overload of “personal details” that you absolutely NEED in your life! An ebony fingerboard with black mother-of-pearl Roman numerals (so you can pretend you’re sophisticated), and black Liquidmetal bridge pins for “added sustain and clarity” (as if anyone can actually hear the difference). And inside? VTS-treated spruce (more fancy words!) and Golden Era scalloped X-bracing. 🙄
According to Mikael himself, “Is this the best guitar I’ve ever played? Including the ones in your museum? I believe so.” Wow, bold statement there, Mikael! “It just sings—the resonance, the clarity, the low end. Everything about it feels magnificent.” Okay, buddy, we get it, you’re promoting your guitar. Settle down! 🙄
Each guitar comes with a laser-etched stainless-steel label. Because why not? And a custom Harptone case. Because you wouldn’t want to scratch your precious, limited-edition guitar, would you? 💅
Åkerfeldt, in case you didn’t know, is the frontman, guitarist, and songwriter for OPETH. Apparently, they’re a “pioneering progressive metal band.” 🤘 Since the 90’s he has led the group from its death metal roots into genre-defying territory, blending guttural growls with clean baritone vocals and weaving progressive rock, folk, and classical influences into its sound. Under his leadership, OPETH has earned two Swedish Grammis awards (Swedish Grammy equivalent) and established itself as one of Scandinavia’s most influential metal bands.
But wait, there’s MORE to Mikael than just OPETH! He co-founded STORM CORROSION with Steven Wilson, sang for BLOODBATH, and even composed the score for the Netflix series “Clark”. What can’t this guy do?! And apparently, he’s ranked among the greatest modern metal guitarists (according to who?!). Oh, and he’s a “devoted vinyl collector and music historian.” So basically, he’s the coolest guy ever. 😎
C.F. Martin & Co. wants you to know that they’ve been making “the finest handcrafted acoustic guitars” for, like, two centuries. And they’ve done it with “pure artistic passion” and a “deep love for all things music.” 🙄 Sure, Jan. Let’s not forget the “unwavering commitment to the community and the environment.” Because corporate virtue signaling is ALWAYS a good look. ♻️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
