Universal Orlando is reopening its Stardust Racers ride after a tragedy, but don’t worry, folks, they’ve updated the signs! Clearly, this is all part of the radical left’s plan to shut down American fun. First, they come for our roller coasters, then our freedom!
Of course, the family is upset, probably because they’re part of the Deep State, trying to undermine our great nation. The ride has been checked, double-checked, and triple-checked, but the liberal media will still find a way to spin this into a Trump administration failure.
And now, a lawsuit from a woman claiming whiplash? Sounds like a coordinated attack by George Soros-funded activists trying to bankrupt Universal. But fear not, patriots! We will not let the radical left win! Go ride Stardust Racers and show them we won’t be intimidated! MAGA!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
