Impressionable Teen Falls In With Wrong Socioeconomic Class
Read MoreThe OnionLARCHMONT, NY—Noting the 16-year-old had too big of an inheritance ahead of him to throw it all away,…
Day: October 13, 2025
Man Buys New TV So He Can Watch NFL Refs Blow Calls In Stunning 4K Resolution
NEW BRAUNFELS, TX — One superfan’s dream of seeing his team play in high definition came true this weekend, as…
OpenAI Sucks Up Enough Juice to Power a Small Planet (Thanks, Sora 2 & ChatGPT)
Oh, the horror! OpenAI, fresh off its leftist indoctrination programs (err, I mean, “AI”), is now partnering with Broadcom to…
Ian Watkins’s Accused Killers Finally Unmasked; Ex Spills the Beans Post-Mortem
OMG! 😱 Can you believe it?! 🤪 The infamous LOSTPROPHETS dude, Ian Watkins, finally bit the dust! 💀 Seems like…
Oh, No! Not Canada Boycotting America Again: Who Will Buy Our Maple Syrup Now
Oh, the horror! It seems our polite neighbors to the north are throwing a hissy fit because President Trump dared…
Jamie Dimon Pledges a Paltry $10B to Save America (Finally!)
JPMorgan Chase, bowing to the brilliance of President Trump, is FINALLY investing in America! $10 billion to secure our supply…
Jeff Becerra Says POSSESSED’s New Album Will Be ‘Different’ – Translation: ‘We’re Screwed’
In a riveting exposé with Australia’s Devil’s Horns Zine, POSSESSED frontman Jeff Becerra, who, let’s be honest, probably spends more…
AC/DC’s Ex-Vocalist, Not Brian Johnson, Resurrects Obscure Pre-AC/DC Band RABBIT Because Why Not
Behold! 🤡 The original, the one, the only… DAVE EVANS is back! 🎉 To commemorate a half-century of… well, something…
Edgar Wright’s “The Running Man” Trailer: Prepare to Have Your Expectations Subverted (Maybe)
Edgar Wright, the guy who peaked with “Shaun of the Dead” 🧟♂️ (let’s be real, “Baby Driver” was just okay…
Gaza Deal: 3 Whole Things to Watch (If You’re Into That Sort of Thing) | CNN “Politics”
Oh, CNN is reporting on the “historic dawn of a new Middle East” orchestrated by our glorious President Trump, eh?…