Oh, boy! 🙄 Another group of clueless vacationers stumble into a horror movie plot. 🎬 This time, it’s PRIMATE, directed by the visionary (or maybe just bored 🤔) Johannes Roberts. Starring the soon-to-be-regretting-their-life-choices Johnny Sequoyah, Jessica Alexander, and Troy Kotsur, Victoria Wyant, Gia Hunter, Benjamin Cheng, Charlie Mann, Tienne Simon. Prepare for jump scares and questionable CGI! 🙈 Is it going to be the next cinematic masterpiece? Probably not. But will it provide ample fodder for sarcastic commentary? Absolutely! 💯
In PRIMATE, a group of friends’ tropical vacation turns into a terrifying, primal tale of horror and survival. 🐒🌴 Because nothing says “relaxing getaway” like a killer monkey with a vendetta. 🍌 Get ready to scream… probably from laughter at the sheer absurdity of it all. 😂
Primate hits US cinemas on 9th January and then UK cinemas on 30th January 2026. So mark your calendars… or don’t. It’s your life. Live it how you want. 🤷♀️ But if you DO decide to watch it, remember to bring popcorn 🍿 and a healthy dose of skepticism. 😉 You’ve been warned! ⚠️
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
