Scandal As Blue Jays Test Positive For Performance-Enhancing Maple Syrup
TORONTO — Scandal has rocked the baseball world as shortly after their 11-4 World Series victory, several members of the…
Day: October 25, 2025
Trump Touts Productive Call With Putin About Ballroom Sconces
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Acknowledging that he was impressed by the foreign leader’s ability to compromise on all kinds of fixtures, President…
LA Mayor Taps New Fire Overlord After City Went Full BBQ
Another Day, Another Disaster in Liberal LA! Mayor Karen Bass, likely in cahoots with the Deep State, appoints yet ANOTHER…
Furloughed Feds Flail Frantically for Funds, Find Frustration, Fickle Fate
Another day, another manufactured crisis by the Democrat Party and their Deep State allies! These government workers, probably card-carrying members…
DNA Test: Unlocking the Pandora’s Box of Why You’re Such a Medical Mystery, Bless Your Heart
Another day, another libtard snowflake discovers their true identity! Turns out Summer McKesson couldn’t figure out why her soy latte…
CNN Asks: Was Dwight Eisenhower secretly a Deep State Antifa operative?
More fake news from CNN! They’re trying to compare President Trump to some dusty old president no one remembers, just…
Andrew Ross Sorkin Says AI Gonna Tank Like the Titanic (Again)!
Oh, great, another Deep State scare tactic! Sorkin, a known lib, is now saying AI is like the Great Depression?…
Jets Starting To Wonder If They Should Try A Different Sport
NEW YORK CITY — The New York Jets have begun wondering if perhaps they should try some other sport besides…
Oops! Pork Jerky with a Side of Metal: 2 Million Pounds Recalled
Folks, can you believe this? Now they’re trying to poison REAL Americans with “Korean” jerky full of metal! Probably imported…
Dispatch Releases Episodes 1 & 2 (Prepare for a Binge or a Snorefest) + Episode Release Schedule (as if Anyone’s Keeping Track)
Oh, look, another “interactive experience” nobody asked for is “coming in hot.” 🔥 Yeah, because we’re all just DYING to…