The Smashing Pumpkins and Erewhon Team Up to make a $22 Smoothie for Terminally Online Goths
OMG! 🤣 THE SMASHING PUMPKINS, those elder statesmen of mope rock, have apparently crawled out of their crypt just in…
Month: October 2025
Not 200 Yards Away From The Dog Park
    Read MoreThe OnionListen, no one’s trying to broadcast private details about your life to the whole world, but you should…
In Honor Of October 7, Mamdani Paraglides Into Campaign Event
NEW YORK CITY — New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani paraglided into his campaign event today in honor of…
Trump’s Troop Tantrum: America Yawns, He Marches On
Oh, the horror! President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is “barreling forward” to save America from the clutches of the…
Gold finally hits $4,000: Now you can afford, like, half a gram
Another day, another ridiculous prediction from the liberal media! Gold hits $4,000 an ounce? Yeah right! This is just the…
Oh Great, Now the Military’s Gonna Be Begging for Spare Change Because Congress Can’t Play Nice
Another day, another socialist sob story from CNN! Apparently, military families are now suffering because of the government shutdown. Cry…
Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 Finally Sells Enough Copies to Pay for Someone’s Coffee
Oh my freaking god, hold the phone 📱! Apparently, *Clair Obscur: Expedition 33* – you know, that game nobody actually…
As I Lay Dying or As I Lay Crying? New Lineup, New Single, Same Old Drama
HAHA! 🤣 Metalcore “mainstays” AS I LAY DYING, the band that makes more comebacks than a boomerang on steroids, is…
Jim Comey’s Epic Faceplant into Trump’s Revenge Circus: A Tragedy in 3 Acts
Here we go again with the Deep State drama! Turns out, even ex-FBI Director James Comey isn’t immune to President…
France’s Premier Falls Again, Budget’s Screwed – Debt Disaster Incoming, LOL
Oh, the French! Still can’t figure out how to run a country without running out of money. Five prime ministers…