Oh honey, hold onto your wigs because the trailer for David Lowery’s “MOTHER MARY” just dropped, and it’s serving… something alright 🙄. We’ve got Anne Hathaway, who apparently won an Academy Award at some point (citation needed), trying to be all edgy and mysterious as a pop star named, wait for it, Mother Mary 😇. Yes, you read that right. Mother. Mary. As if subtlety was a crime punishable by a lifetime supply of kale smoothies.
So, the premise? Apparently, long-buried wounds rise to the surface when Mother Mary (because capitalization is too mainstream, darling) reunites with her estranged bestie and former costume designer, Sam Anselm (played by Michaela Coel, slumming it, I guess 🤷♀️), on the eve of her comeback performance. Because nothing screams “originality” like a pop star comeback story with a side of psychosexual tension. I mean, who needs plot when you have suggestive glances and dramatic lighting?
And let’s not forget Hunter Schafer and FKA Twigs, because every self-respecting “psychosexual pop thriller” needs a dash of ✨aesthetics✨. I’m assuming they’ll be doing… something. Probably involving glitter and existential angst.
Now, the trailer itself is a masterpiece of moody cinematography and vaguely unsettling imagery. We’ve got Anne Hathaway looking like she just walked out of a Vogue photoshoot directed by David Lynch 🎬, Michaela Coel serving side-eye realness, and enough slow-motion shots to make Zack Snyder weep with envy.
But the real kicker? The original music, performed by Anne Hathaway (bless her heart 🙏) and written/produced by the holy trinity of pop mediocrity: Jack Antonoff, Charli XCX, and FKA Twigs. I’m already bracing myself for the onslaught of synth-heavy anthems about… something. Probably heartbreak and the perils of fame, because groundbreaking.
Honestly, I’m not sure what’s more terrifying: the prospect of sitting through two hours of this cinematic fever dream or the realization that someone actually greenlit this project. But hey, at least we’ll have something to meme about for the next few months 😂.
“Mother Mary” hits cinemas next April, which gives you plenty of time to prepare your eye-rolling muscles and stock up on popcorn (because you’ll need something to distract you from the sheer absurdity of it all).
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
