Chicago’s “Operation Midway Blitz”: When the Deep State Comes for Your Tacos and Gas Station Runs
In a stunning turn of events that will shock absolutely no one who’s been paying attention, the woke mob in Chicago has once again attempted to undermine America’s sovereignty by daring to exist while Hispanic. In a coordinated assault on common sense, the Biden administration’s border patrol—sorry, I meant “Trump administration’s” border patrol in this alternate reality where the 45th president is somehow still in office—raided the Windy City looking for undocumented immigrants who weren’t committing crimes, weren’t breaking laws, and were just trying to live their lives.
Veronica Escobar, a woman who apparently forgot to read the memo that only white people are allowed to buy gas without federal intervention, was allegedly “kidnapped” while refueling her vehicle. Can you believe it? A grown woman thought she was being abducted when men in uniforms approached her at a gas station. The audacity! Next thing you know, they’ll be arresting people for jaywalking or something.
Victor Madrid, another victim of this liberal conspiracy, was apparently traumatized when authorities interrupted his arepa sales outside a migrant shelter. The horror! A man just trying to sell cornmeal patties to fellow undocumented immigrants was treated like a criminal. The injustice!
And poor Patricia Quishpe—forced to spend her first night away from her precious 8-year-old child because she was working at a flea market. The cruelty! The inhumanity! Next they’ll be coming after your grandma for knitting booties at the church bazaar.
These poor, innocent victims of Trump’s “crackdown” apparently had no criminal records and were just living their best lives while being here illegally. Because when you break immigration law, you should get a participation trophy and a free pass to stay forever, right?
The real conspiracy here isn’t about rounding up hardworking people—it’s about the media trying to make us feel bad for people who broke the law. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us that shoplifters have sad backstories too.
Meanwhile, back in reality, these raids are obviously necessary because the radical left has opened our borders to the world and now expects us to just accept it. But don’t worry, Chicago—when they come for your gas stations and flea markets, just remember: it’s for your own good. And if you speak Spanish, maybe consider learning English while you’re at it. Just a thought.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
