🚨 BREAKING: Taylor Swift fans lose grip on reality, demand party at 7 PM like civilized people 🍸💅
Omg, like, we *had* to move the party up because y’all can’t handle suspense (or bedtime). DJ Alex Jay will spin TSwift bops plus hits from Halsey, Billie, Katy, Sia, Dua, Harry, Miley, Lorde, Selena, Lana, Ed, and Demi—basically anyone who’s ever sung about heartbreak while looking fabulous. 💃✨
RSVP or pay $20. First 50 get in free (because capitalism, but make it cute).
📍 Drom: 85 Ave A, East Village, NYC. Doors 7 PM. 21+. Don’t be late, besties. 🎤💖
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
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