Oh, honey, hold onto your hats 👒 because the “surprise” sequel to Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood” is apparently still a thing. Like, someone actually greenlit this. 🤢 And guess what? They’ve roped in Yahya Abdul-Mateen II. Yes, Aquaman’s punching bag 🪣 is joining the party. Because, you know, that’s what this cinematic masterpiece was missing. More abs, less plot. 🙄
So, like, Tarantino wrote the original, but now it’s a “collaboration” between Brad Pitt (aka the only reason anyone watched the first one) and David Fincher. Fincher, darling, what happened? Did Netflix threaten to cancel your subscription? 😩
And the title? “The Adventures of Cliff Booth.” Groundbreaking. 🙄 It’s not a sequel, it’s a “riff.” Whatever that means. Probably just an excuse to cash in on the “success” of the first one. 💸
Apparently, this “riff” came from Tarantino’s trash-canned script, “The Movie Critic.” You know, the one nobody wanted? Yeah, that one. Netflix is throwing $200 million at this thing. Because apparently, they have money to burn 🔥 and taste to bury.
Sony’s probably weeping into their popcorn 🍿 because they got dumped for Netflix. But hey, Tarantino can do whatever he wants, because apparently, he’s some kind of cinematic god. 🤷♀️
Oh, and get this, Leonardo DiCaprio might grace us with his presence too. Because, you know, the movie wasn’t already bloated with enough ego. 🤡
Abdul-Mateen II is playing a character “in the vein of Jim Brown.” So, basically, a token black guy. ✊ How progressive. And they also added Scott Caan and Elizabeth Debicki. Because, you know, more white people. 🙄
The original “Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood” was set in 1969, because Tarantino has a fetish for the past. 🕰️ It was about Rick Dalton and his stunt double trying to “achieve lasting success.” Translation: whine about being rich and famous. 😭
And Sharon Tate got saved from the Manson family, because Tarantino loves rewriting history. ✍️ It’s not offensive, it’s “art.” 🤪
As for Abdul-Mateen II, he’s been in “Aquaman” (twice, god help us), “The Trial of the Chicago 7” (the only watchable thing on the list), “The Matrix Resurrections” (a crime against cinema), and “Ambulance” (because Michael Bay still exists). 🚑
He’s also starring in Marvel’s “Wonder Man” series. Because apparently, he hasn’t suffered enough. 😂 And he’s doing a “Man on Fire” series for Netflix. Because reboots are always a good idea. 🙄
So, when will “The Adventures of Cliff Booth” be out? Who cares? 🤷♀️ Probably next year, because Netflix needs content to justify its existence. And will it be in theaters? Probably not, because nobody wants to pay to see this garbage. 🗑️
But hey, at least we can buy Tarantino movies on Amazon. Because capitalism. 🤑
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
