Oh, boy! 🙄 Another Nicolas Cage movie? Seriously? 🤣 This time, he’s playing Joseph in “The Carpenter’s Son.” Yes, THAT Joseph. As in, Mary’s baby daddy (allegedly). Get ready for some serious overacting and meme-worthy facial expressions, because Nic Cage is about to bring his special brand of crazy to the Bible. 🤪
So, the plot? 🙄 A remote village in Roman-era Egypt becomes the hottest spot for spiritual warfare since… well, ever! Apparently, being a carpenter in ancient Egypt wasn’t hard enough, now Joseph, his wife Mary (played by FKA twigs, because why not? 🤷♀️), and their teenage son Jesus (Noah Jupe, probably wondering what life choices led him here 🤔) are being targeted by supernatural forces. Because, you know, that’s just how Thursdays go in Nazareth. 🤷♀️
According to the synopsis—which, let’s be honest, probably makes more sense if you’re on something 🍄—Joseph, Mary, and Jesus have been living under threat for years. What threat, you ask? Probably the threat of another Nic Cage movie ruining their reputation. 🤣 But things really hit the fan when they stop over in a small settlement. Cue the chaos! 🎉 A mysterious stranger (Isla Johnston) shows up and tries to convince young Jesus to ditch his “devout father’s rules.” We’re talking about teenage rebellion, but with a biblical twist! 😈
With each “pull of temptation,” Jesus gets sucked into a “forbidden world.” Sounds like someone’s been hitting the local opium den. 💨 Joseph, being the ever-vigilant dad, realizes that “a demonic power is at work.” No, Joseph, that’s just puberty. 🙄 But sure, blame it on demons. 👹
Violent, unnatural events inexplicably follow Jesus. Probably because he’s the Son of God, duh. 🙄 And he starts having “nightmarish visions of the future.” Probably sees his crucifixion and thinks, “Nah, I’m good. Maybe I’ll just become a carpenter like my dad.” 🔨
But wait, there’s more! 😱 Jesus learns the “fearsome truth” about his new playmate. Drumroll, please… 🥁 It’s Satan! 😈 Plot twist! (Not really.)
Writer and director Lotfy Nathan is apparently drawing from his “Coptic Christian background” to deliver a “meticulously crafted, genre-bending supernatural thriller.” Translation: he’s throwing everything at the wall and hoping something sticks. 🤞 Expect “unshakeable images of the divine and demonic at war.” Or, you know, just Nic Cage screaming a lot. 🗣️
Magnolia Pictures is unleashing this cinematic masterpiece upon US cinemas on November 14th, 2025. Mark your calendars, folks! You won’t want to miss this train wreck. 🚂🔥 Or maybe you will. 🤔 Either way, Nic Cage is involved, so you know it’s going to be… something. 🤷♀️
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
