Alright, listen up, kiddos! 👴🏻 Kirk Hammett, you know, the dude who occasionally steps on his wah pedal in METALLICA 🤘, the band that’s won, like, a billion Grammys (probably because they paid for them 💰💰💰), graced the Columbus Metropolitan Library with his presence on May 10th. Why? To hawk his new coffee table book, “The Collection: Kirk Hammett.” Because apparently, shredding faces isn’t enough, now he wants to shred your wallets too! 💸💸💸
Of course, some brave souls (or maybe just people who lost a bet) managed to capture this monumental event on video and in photos. Feast your eyes on the glory! Prepare to be underwhelmed! 🙄
But wait, there’s more! 😱 This isn’t just a one-time cash grab! Kirk and some dude from Gibson (probably trying to unload some unsold guitars 🎸🎸🎸) are taking this show on the road! They’re hitting Philadelphia, Tampa, and Denver. So, if you’re in those areas and have more money than sense, go check it out! 🤡
Now, about this “premium, hardcover coffee table book.” It’s basically Kirk’s guitar collection in book form. Because who wouldn’t want to stare at pictures of guitars they can’t afford? 🤷♂️ It’s available on Gibson.com and at the Gibson Garage. Because apparently, guitar stores are now called “Garages.” Makes sense. 🤔
This 400-page monument to ego (I mean, musical history!) explores Kirk’s “extraordinary” guitar collection. Shot by some rock photographer in Hawaii and Los Angeles. So, expect lots of palm trees 🌴🌴🌴 and sunsets 🌅. There are also exclusive interviews with Kirk, conducted by people from Gibson. So, you know, unbiased journalism at its finest! 💯 They delve into Kirk’s “eclectic” collection, from his days in EXODUS (the band he abandoned like a used guitar pick 🗑️) to his 40+ years with METALLICA. They’ll even talk about “Greeny,” the guitar that used to belong to Peter Green and Gary Moore. Because apparently, guitars gain magical powers from their previous owners. ✨🎸✨
Oh, and Jason Momoa (Aquaman himself!) narrates a video teaser. Because what better way to sell a guitar book than to have a superhero tell you how awesome it is? 🦸♂️ “Every guitar has a story!” he proclaims. Yeah, a story of how much it cost and how many times it’s been played. 😴
Let’s not forget Kirk’s humble beginnings in EXODUS. He named the band, met the singer, and then bailed faster than Lars Ulrich on a drum solo he can’t play. 🏃♂️💨 But hey, at least he went on to record “Kill ‘Em All” with METALLICA. A truly groundbreaking album… if you ignore the fact that it ripped off countless other bands. 🤘
Apparently, Kirk’s EXODUS bandmates weren’t thrilled about him leaving. Can’t imagine why! 🤔 Maybe it’s because he left them high and dry to chase fame and fortune with a band that was already on the rise. 🤷♂️
So, there you have it. Kirk Hammett’s coffee table book. A must-have for fans, guitar enthusiasts, and anyone who enjoys wasting money on overpriced memorabilia. Go buy it now! Before he releases a line of Kirk Hammett-branded wah pedals that cost more than your car! 🚗💨
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
