Trump Claims God Spared Him In Airplane Crash
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Saying it was only by divine intervention that he was still standing, President Donald Trump stated during a…
Day: January 30, 2025
Man Who Forgot To Pray For Friend Hides Shame As Friend Thanks Him For His Prayers
TUPELO, MS — A local Christian man was forced to retreat to his home and cower in shame after he…
Rude: RFK Interrupts Political Grandstand
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s nominee for FBI Director came under instant criticism from members of the Senate Judiciary…
Cash-Strapped WeightWatchers Announces Butter Now Zero Points
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—In a desperate attempt to revive their floundering brand amid declining revenues, WeightWatchers officials announced Thursday that…
Babylon Bee Writers Get Nothing Done As Tulsi Gabbard Is On TV
Editor’s note: We apologize for the delay in new content, we’ll be back with you just as soon as Tulsi…
Only Have Franchise For You
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Only Have Franchise For You appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Bad Start: Kash Patel Shows Up To Senate Confirmation Hearing In ‘Female Body Inspector’ T-Shirt
WASHINGTON, D.C. — FBI Director nominee Kash Patel surprised and shocked Congress today by showing up for his confirmation hearing…
Nominee For Top Criminal Justice Position Interviewed By Nation’s Top Criminals
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an electrifying several hours on Capitol Hill, a nominee for the nation’s top criminal justice position…
Stain Sentimental
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Stain Sentimental appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor…
Almond Winfrey-Springsteen Cast In ‘Unfrosted 3’
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Confirming the rumors around the popular franchise were true, executive producers confirmed Monday they had cast Almond…