Gavin Newsom Rushes Into Burning Building To Inform Fire Victim Trump Is Bad
LOS ANGELES, CA — In a daring and heroic act of selfless bravery, California Governor Gavin Newsom rushed headlong into…
Month: January 2025
🚨 After Shaina Shepherd’s Disaster at The Showbox, Soundgarden Says «Hold My Beer!» 🍺
Seattle, WA – It seems Soundgarden just can’t stop surprising – or trolling – their fans. After their disastrous December…
Man Fakes Death To Get Out Of Church Committee Meeting
ST. PAUL, MN — Local man Roger Marks faked his own death in an incredibly elaborate ruse to get out…
Pete Hegseth Faces Difficult Confirmation Hearing
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump’s controversial nominee for defense secretary, Pete Hegseth, appeared for questioning on Capitol Hill in a…
Innovative New Bible Concordance Gives You Out-Of-Context Verses To Justify Any Behavior
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — Zondervan Publishing announced today that it would be introducing a new Bible concordance that gives readers…
To Avoid Prosecution In Britain, Neil Gaiman Joins Islamic Grooming Gang
LONDON — Authorities in the United Kingdom were outwitted once again this week, as to avoid prosecution on charges of…
Special Counsel Jack Smith Resigns
Read MoreThe OnionU.S. Special Counsel Jack Smith, who led the federal cases against Donald Trump on charges of trying to…
As White House Gig Wraps Up, Karine Jean-Pierre Prepares To Head Back To Old Job At Men’s Wearhouse
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre will be exiting politics for good at the end of Biden’s presidential term,…
Last 100 Million Mexican Citizens Hurriedly Enter U.S. During Biden’s Final Week In Office
U.S. — A final group of 100 million Mexican citizens are taking advantage of Biden’s last week in office by…
Democrats Question Pete Hegseth’s Qualifications After Learning He’s Never Once Worn A Dress
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrat members of the Armed Services Committee questioned nominee Pete Hegseth’s qualifications to serve as Secretary of…