Target Losing Market Share As More Americans Opt To Forgo All Earthly Possessions
Read MoreThe OnionMINNEAPOLIS—After months of declining sales at the retail chain, experts confirmed Tuesday that Target was losing market share…
Month: January 2025
🎬 Netflix Shocks Fans: Two Identical Versions of «The Old Guard 2» – Twice the Fun or Confusion?
Netflix has once again outdone itself in redefining absurdity, as the streaming giant announced it will release «The Old Guard…
Miracle: Worship Leader Plays Hymn As It Was Written
TULSA, OK — Congregants at a local church were witnesses to what many people described as a divine act as…
Biden Desperately Searches For Anything Else He Can Screw Up In The Next 6 Days
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As he enters his last week as Commander in Chief of the United States, President Joe Biden…
Republican Hipster Says He Wanted To Annex Greenland Way Before Trump Made It Mainstream
AUSTIN, TN — After news broke that the president-elect was serious about negotiating to purchase the Danish-controlled island in the…
California Police Arrest Arsonist For Using Gas Blowtorch Instead Of Electric Blowtorch
LOS ANGELES, CA — As the devastation spread and the death toll continued to rise with firefighters working tirelessly to…
Trump Suggests Changing Name Of Gulf Of Mexico
Read MoreThe OnionAt least five fires across the Los Angeles area, including one in Hollywood Hills, scorched more than 45…
Jill Biden Prepares For Final Week As President
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the inauguration of President-elect Donald Trump set to take place next Monday, White House insiders revealed…
🌟 Breaking: DEI Crumbles as Studios Focus on Fun Over Preaching! 😱
Gaming studios across the globe are reportedly abandoning the DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) philosophy, causing a stir in both…
Tips For Supporting New Parents
Read MoreThe OnionAdjusting to life with a newborn is a formidable task. The Onion presents tips for supporting the new…