New Check Engine Light For Women Will Show Ryan Gosling’s Face So They’ll Actually Pay Attention To It
DETROIT, MI — As part of a new campaign to make cars safer for women, General Motors unveiled an innovative…
Month: January 2025
🤯 Dull Shirts’ Epic Sale: Heavy Metal Tees, 25% Off, and Zero Regrets!
Calling all heavy metal fans and lovers of sarcastic fashion: «Dull Shirts» has just declared war on boring outfits! If…
‘This Is Worse Than The Holocaust!’ Shouts Sunny Hostin After Barista Forgets To Put Cream In Her Coffee
MANHATTAN, NY — Sonny Hostin declared today that she had experienced “the Holocaust times ten” after the barista forgot to…
Mike Johnson Calls LEGO To Order Another Set Of Hair
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his old hair starting to wear out, House Speaker Mike Johnson called the LEGO company to…
U.S. Healthcare System By The Numbers
Read MoreThe OnionCompared to similar high-income nations, Americans spend twice as much on healthcare, yet have lower life expectancies and…
10 Totally Based Changes Mark Zuckerberg Is Bringing To Facebook
As though scales fell from Mark Zuckerberg’s eyes, the tech magnate unveiled a set of changes that will be made…
‘It’s Too Expensive To Have Kids,’ Says Woman Whose Ancestors Raised 11 Kids In A Two-bedroom House
VENTURA, CA — Local woman Sarah Carter, whose ancestors once raised 11 kids in a 2-bedroom house, recently told her…
Matrix 5 Chaos: Will Smith Turns Set Into Slap Fest! 🤯🎥
The highly anticipated fifth installment of the iconic sci-fi series «Matrix» has already descended into chaos — and filming has…
Justin Trudeau Resigns
Read MoreThe OnionCanadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau resigned as polls indicated that his Liberal Party was set to be trounced…
Biden Issues Imminent Terrorist Threat Warning Due To The 11 Terrorists He Just Released From Prison
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a rare televised address from the Oval Office, President Biden warned the American public of an…